Lord of the Lists

My annual Christmas holiday Lord of the Rings Extended Edition rewatch inspired me to draw up some lists. They are related to the films, of course, because I sucked at reading the books. Before I get started, however, I'd like to present to you the one and only quote from the books that made such an impression on me that it has lingered in my mind. It's from The Two Towers, uttered by Treebeard.

"Those were the broad days. Time was when I could walk and sing all day and hear no more than the echo of my own voice in the hollow hills. The woods were like the woods of Lothlórien, only thicker, stronger, younger. And the smell of the air! I used to spend a week just breathing."

I love the idea of just breathing seven days straight! Haha, that's actually exactly what I felt like doing after returning back to Finland from China.

Now, from Tolkien's Middle-Earth to the one of Peter Jackson, and my favorite things about it.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) / back, there, again

directed by Peter Jackson / starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Andy Serkis, etc...

SPOILER ALERT! I probably can't keep my mouth shut about some spoilery things.

"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."

I just got back from Middle Earth. I chose to return in 2D. Unfortunately there seemed to be something wrong in the sound system of this particular Middle Earth, and I was constantly hoping for a magical remote to turn the volume up, up, up. It was difficult to get lost in the world of Middle Earth when all the time I could hear grasping and popcorn chewing and some annoying teenages giggling and burping in the back row. But, Middle Earth is full of obstacles and foes, and part of the journey is to fight them off; shut the disturbances out, and just enjoy the biggest nostalgia trip of the decade.

And that's what the first part of the Hobbit trilogy was. And not just for me; for all the audience and, I can imagine, for most of the cast and crew, too. So what if the whole movie rides on the success of The Lord of the Rings. These movies aren't made to top LotR. LotR can't be topped. They are made because every single person in the audience smiles whenever they hear the Shire theme, and because seeing Gandalf again seems like meeting an old friend, and because everyone gets chills when they hear the familiar cough of Gollum and see those eyes flickering in the shadows.

I went to the movies today with very few expectations. Of course, this has been a very expected journey, and I've been following the rocky road that the making of The Hobbit has been, especially in the beginning. But there was amazingly little hype, for me. I haven't read The Hobbit. Because me and Tolkien don't have the smoothest of histories. I took me three years and three restarts and a promise on my eternal soul (=New Year resolution) to wade through The Lord of the Rings trilogy. So I haven't yet found the courage to try and tackle LotR's little brother, even though it would surely be a much less painful experience. Because of the less intimidating length of the book. And I'll read The Hobbit. Maybe I make the promise as soon as this New Year's Eve.

So, I went to the movies not knowing what to expect. Well, strike that, I did know kind of what to expect. I knew this would not be like Lord of the Rings. I knew it would be lighter, less epic, less dark, and quite frankly, not as good. Like many others, I assume, I always just looked at this as a wonderful chance to go back to Middle Earth; like I said, a huge nostalgia trip. Comparing The Hobbit to LotR will only lead to dissatisfaction, unless you do it in the spirit of nostalgia. Which I will do. A bit later.

Now, I will discuss the films in two sections. In The Hobbit, there was some old, familiar stuff, and then there was new stuff. There's no doubt about which stuff I liked more. But I will discuss both.

New Stories, Faces, Places, Discoveries

Unsurprisingly, I was not as interested in the new characters, places, and their storylines, as I was in the old gang, and all the talk and events referring to what would go down in sixty years. Yet, I did get a little giddy when we travelled on the map (oh, the map, I love you, map!), and got introduced to whole new places and new peoples and new history of Middle Earth! Like, oh, I never knew what was going on on this side of the map! The new cities were quite cool, looking distinctively Middle Earth-esque, but still different from everything else we've seen before.

I cannot say there were any new characters with the potential to rise to the prestigious company of my ultimate Middle Earth favorites. There were a lot of dwarves, but few I can tell apart in my head, and even fewer that I can remember by name. There is Gimli's old man, Gloin, who shares the same hair with his son. There is Thorin, aka If Aragorn Was A Dwarf. I mostly just found him a bit annoying. He doesn't have a sense of humor, and he's kind of a bore. I guess someone always has to be the solemn and boring leader. What else... One is called Kili, and if Thorin is Aragorn, he is Legolas. "Hello, everyone, I'm here to demonstrate that dwarves can be handsome, too!" He has a brother called Kali, I think. (Apparently it's Fili, not Kali. Haha. Ayways.) Then the chubby one, the comic relief dwarf. And the Cold Feet actor, and his character I actually liked, and he stood out for me a little. And then... a few others. Another potential New Year resolution would be to learn all the names of the dwarves.

New villains. There was the disgusting pile of fat that was definitely inspired by Jabba the Hut. He even had the annoying, giggling little sidekick. The big white orc was a bit boring, perhaps mostly because he had to do with Thorin's story, and I'm just not really into that. Though he looked cool in the light of the fire, his scars all red and ugly. Also, the dragon's eye was very nicely CGI'ed.

Finally, a familiar character, with a new face. I haven't heard any arguments about this: Martin Freeman is the perfect young Bilbo! I love Peter Jackson for being so determined to get him for the part. He fitted so well in the hobbit feet and the hair that he didn't feel like a new face at all, but rather someone we've always known. Freeman was born to play a hobbit. Bravo. And the young Bilbo is such a lovable, relable character, and it's such a joy to see him grow into the hero we all know him to be.

"The years haven't been kind to us, my dear Frodo. You are chubby and defiled, and I just look waxy."

Back to the Future

They don't keep repeating it for nothing: The Hobbit really did feel like going back home, in many ways. Familiar faces. Familiar places. Familiar swords. The Ring. Familiar lines (Gandalf just loves calling his friends 'fools'). Familiar feelings and moods. The map. Familiar landscapes. Familiar music.

It is strange how much joy a little melody can arise in a person. Or not that strange, if the melody is the Shire theme and the person is a LotR fan. Even though the new theme music was very good, I just loved that they'd brought back so many pieces from the best film score in the world. It was wonderful, hearing a familiar tune and instantly knowing which feelings you should be feeling in that particular moment. I love you, Howard Shore.

Seeing Frodo again was perhaps the comeback that I was most delightened by. It was crazy enough, watching one of the production videos where Elijah Wood talks about walking to the set of Shire for the first time, when he was 18. "I'm 30 now", he says, standing there in his full Frodo costume, looking almost exactly like he did back when the teenager me fell for those big blue eyes and put up pictures of them all around her room. Just... can't process how weird and cool and scary and wonderful it is. And then, seeing Frodo wear those familiar clothes, putting up the "party business" sign, and then grapping a book and saying that he'll go and surprise Gandalf and doesn't want to be late... It's almost too neat a way to connect the film to its predessedor, but I didn't mind one bit. It was just damn awesome.

(It can be argued that Elijah Wood has finally gotten a bit sturdier, and lost some of that wide-eyed innocence that was so charming in his original performance of Frodo. I'll allow him that. He's a friggin' 30-year-old hulk of a man now, even though for me he'll be a Bambi-eyed 18-year-old for all eternity.)

I'd say the scenes with Gollum were my favorites in the whole movie. It's just endlessly bewildering what the genius of Andy Serkis teaming up with some kick-ass technology can do. And we thought the CGI was awesome ten years ago? Well it's even better now. Gollum just looks insanely good. The riddles and the inner monologues of Gollum/Smeagol, and the Ring, and the damn amazing moment when Bilbo holds the Sting on Gollum's throat, about to finish him off, and Gollum looks so sad and confused and beaten, and we hear Gandalf's words in our heads ("True courage is about not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one.") and remember the conversation Frodo and Gandalf had in Moria, about Bilbo's pity, and how his decision not to kill Gollum will influence the lives of many, and it's just so cool. Oh, Gollum. He's such a masterpiece of a character, and I feel for him so much I'd give him a hug if he wasn't so disgusting.

Galadriel is still the most beautiful thing ever. The feminist in me will resist the temptation to bitterly point out that she was the only female chacater in the whole movie, next to a few harp-playing female elves, and she only showed up for five minutes in the middle of a monstrously long movie. Oh well, that's how Tolkien rolled, so I guess I can't complain. She stopped by and was the most beautiful moment in the movie, and that'll have to do.

Gandalf and Ian McKellen deserve all the praise in the world. Elrond knows headgear is always in fashion. And I don't know if there is anything as legendary as Christopher Lee. The man just radiates legendary.
 

The old gang back together. Literally, they're all really old.

Should I have fun and play a critic for a moment? The story of An Unexpected Journey wasn't very coherent. There was so much random, seemingly unconnected stuff. Like, all of a sudden I'm looking at a brown wizard reviving a hedgehog. Maybe for Tolkienists it makes sense, but I'm just confused. Instead of a clear story arc, there was one action scene after the other. Oh, fighting rock monster giants. 'Kay. The weird thing is, I wasn't the least bit bored, not once. It didn't feel like two and a half, almost three hours.

And really, not having read the book, I don't know what they could've done better. Sure, they could've spent the entire time in the cave with Gollum, or travelled forward in time and went to hang out with teenage Merry and Pippin, but I don't think that's what happens in the book. But, again, there is not use comparing The Hobbit to the Lord of the Rings. The story is so much smaller in The Hobbit. This is not about the fate of the world as they know it. This is just a little adventure. The lighter mood allows more humor, more slapstick, more burps, more songs, less anxiety, less death, less tragedy, less Oscars. I went to the cinema for a huge fix of nostalgia, and what I got was exactly that. It is clear from the outcome how much Peter Jackson loves the Middle Earth he's created. In case the Mayans were right, I won't mind if this is the last movie I ever saw.

...I hope they're wrong, though. Because I need to go to New Zealand. So bad. Seriously. Just give me an excuse and I'll go. Money, too. Please. I also can't wait for Christmas holiday and my traditional Extended Edition marathon. At least that is something I can make happen. I have to catch up on the Hobbit production videos, too. I think there are a few I haven't yet seen.

Part two is a year away, and I'm okay with that. The thought of a year's worth of waiting doesn't make me too anguished. I'll be very happy to see the second part, of course, and return to the wonderful world of Middle Earth again. Don't we get to see Orlando, too, next?

I really want to go on an adventure now! Might start with an unexpected journey to the corner shop.

"Home is now behind you. The world is ahead."

The Ultimate Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Marathon

This is what you can call a day well spent: On the Wednesday before New Year's Eve my friend and I watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended editions, of course) at pretty much one sitting, with only a couple of breaks of a few minutes. Took us almost precisely eleven hours and eleven minutes. Plus extra twenty minutes for the final end credits that have to be watched every time. Because of the drawings. And the music. Did you know that at the very end of the credits there're five minutes' worth of names of fanclubbers? We spotted some of the actors and quite a few Finnish names, too. Why didn't I get my name there, that would be a big enough life achievement for me...

I don't know what I'll do with this post. I will probably just keep repeating how fantastic the trilogy is and mindlessly list all the awesome things about it, but hey, what else can you do if you love something so much?

Ah, so what do I love about The Lord of the Rings? To mention a few things: the ridiculous attention to detail, the flawlessness of every armor, sword and floor tile, the Hobbit feet, that everyone has a long hair and that the men look so masculine despite, the use of the Middle Earth map, the intro of the first film with voice over by Cate Blanchett, Cate Blanchett's Galadriel who's the most beautiful thing ever, Shire, the Shire theme music, the accent of Billy Boyd, Boromir's line "They have a gave troll" in FotR (don't know why but I always got a kick out of it),

Gandalf's fireworks, Gandalf, Merry and Pippin's Green Dragon song, the overall colours of the film, how Andy Serkis and technology made Gollum a real living thing, Saruman's perfect nails, Tree Beard, how New Zealand IS Middle Earth, Legolas's moments to shine in each film (gave troll fight, shield surfing and the oliphaunt), the comic relief Gimli, how the Ring whispers to Frodo, the insane fact that Elijah Wood was only 18 when they shot the film (I just can't get over this! It's ridiculous!), the horrible moment in Helm's Deep when the young boys are being prepared for the battle, Peter Jackson's cameos,

Pippin's song in RotK, the Battle of Pelennor Fields ("Death! Death!" and the dead people kicking ass), "For Frodo" and how Merry and Pippin are the first ones to charge after Aragorn, "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you", how every time I'm absolutely certain Frodo will let go at the Mount Doom (it's the look in his eyes. Thank you, 18-year-old Elijah Wood), "I'm glad you're with me, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things" and all the sixteen endings. And so on.

That list could've been so much longer. I had to tie my hands to stop there.

What else can I say? The Peter Jackson super trilogy is one of what I like to call my Ultimate Favourite Films. Though the pack is all the time sneakily growing larger, it's still quite an achievement to be accepted into that highly prestigious group. (Alright, people, I'm kidding a little here...) I hope they'll never remake these films, and I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to even think about that anytime soon. I'll be eternally grateful for Peter Jackson for being a real badass and not settling for anything less than perfection in creating Middle Earth and the peoples of it.

I could make another mindlessly long list of the things I love about the special features of the DVD's. They are awesomely awesome. (And I'm regretting a bit that this Christmas break I won't have time to listen to the cast commentaries... I did that last year, and it's amazing how they keep a hold of you almost as much as the films themselves.)

For me, it wasn't until I had watched all the Making Of's and other Behind the Scenes material, when I fully understood the magnitude of the whole project, the ENORMOUS amount of effort and hours that the ENORMOUS amount of people put in making the films happen. They all have my earnest respect, everyone from the set designers and stunt cordinators to the extras and catering staff. Also, I am openly and endlessly jealous at them, because they have experienced something larger that life, something I never will, and where ever they go in life, they can always say that they have been taken part in making something freaking spectacular.

 P.S. The urge to travel to New Zealand is once again getting a bit unbearable. Please give me time and especially money, please, pretty please with a cherry on top?

P.P.S. Did you ever think where you would like to live if Middle Earth actually existed? Of course you did, who woudn't! I would definitely live in the Shire, no doubt about it, because I can't think of anything more awesome than being a hobbit. Also, I could have a nice retirement home in Rivendell and maybe a summer cottage in Lórien... Anyway, I wouldn't mind just travelling to New Zealand instead. Hmm? Extra time or money on your hands, anyone?

P.P.P.S. Oh oh oh, two more things I simply HAVE to say, in honour of the way the walls of my room looked like when I was about 14: 1) I'm still a big fan of Elijah Wood, even though he doesn't really do anything anymore. Those big blue eyes will have me forever! 2) A lot can be said about Orlando Bloom and his actual acting talents, but the man sure looks good doing action scenes in a blond wig, with that elf-like agility. Who cares if he just hangs around looking dumb and confused for the rest of the time...

Paris, Je t'aime (2006) - the city of all kinds of loves

directed by Ethan & Joel Coen, Alfonso Cuarón, Gérald Depardieu, Gus Want Sant, etc etc... / starring Steve Buscemi, Juliette Binoche, Nick Nolte, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman, Elijah Wood, Emily Mortimer, etc etc...

My top 5 Paris movies, #1

This had to be the number one Paris movie, of course. Nothing captures the different sides and moods of the city like these 18 short films, each one by a different director, each one set in a different part of the city, each one telling their own kind of a story of love. And Paris.

THE BEST:

Quais de Seine by Gurinder Chadha. A young man is sitting with his idiot friends by the Seine. The friends are being really lame and trying to hit on ladies. He makes a wise choice and chooses the company of a Muslim girl he meets. I like their open-mindedness, and that the boy has guts to be different from his baboon friends. And the mosque (which I've visited!).

Tuileries by Joel and Ethan Coen. An American tourist (played by the awesome Steve Buscemi) is sitting at the Tuileries metro station, and despite the warnings of his Paris guidebook he makes eye contact and tumbles in the middle of a young couple's argument. This is definitely the funniest section. Every guidebook of course has a translation of "What are you looking at, cunt-person?". Basic French... And the Mona Lisa cards and the little boy with his pea shooter. Haha. Poor Steve.

Parc Monceau by Alfonso Cuarón. Shot in one continous shot, this film introduces a man (Nick Nolte) and a younger woman, who walk the streets of Paris one evening. We don't know what their relationship is or who the Gaspard they discuss is until the end. Nick Nolte is brilliant in it!

Quartier des Enfants Rouges by Olivier Assayas. Maggie Gyllenhaal is an actress shooting a period film in Paris. She has a secret crush on a man who deals her drugs. It's quite sad, actually.

Place des fêtes by Oliver Schimtz. Couple of minutes of romance between a Nigerian man, stabbed in the stomach, and a paramedic treating him. It's about love at first sight and a little about destiny, too. And about some violent idiots.

Pére-Lachaise by Wes Craven. An arguing couple in a pre-wedding honeymoon refresh their love with a little help from Oscar Wilde. I really like this episode. And I like the story about his last words (they weren't "Bury me under something ugly", like the man suggests. He really is quite funny, no matter what she says). And I like both of the actors, too.

Faubourg Saint-Denis by Tom Tykwer. A romance between a blind young man and a pretty actress, seen mostly in fastforward. It's really great, shot in a very interesting way. Natalie Portman is excellent and so is the actor playing her boyfriend.

Quertier Latin by Gérald Depardieu and Frédéric Auburtin. An older couple has one more drink together before their divorce becomes official. It's real sweet, if only every divorce was handled in such a mature way. I love how they joke together and how they know each other so well and still respect each other and love, too, in a way. "Bitch." Depardieu is also in a small role.

14e arrondissement by Alexander Payne. An American woman fullfills her long-term dream by travelling to Paris. She's learned French, and all. (Still, she's not totally fluent in it, which is great. I don't speak French, but it's still easy to hear her terrible accent.) But it's not so great she imagined it to be! She misses her dogs, feels lonely and eats hamburgers. Then she suddenly experienced a weird feeling, sitting in a park, eating a snack. She feels alive. The most memorable line of the film follows: "That was the moment I fell in love with Paris. And Paris fell in love with me." Aww. It ends the film, suitably so. As a wrap-up, we re-visit some of the people we met before. It's great, just great. Ah, l'amour. And ah, Paris.

... AND THE WORST:

Porte de Choisy by Christopher Doyle. A freaky little film about a beauty salesman and some bitchy Chinese women. It's just really weird and I don't know what's supposed to be romantic about it.

Quartier de la Madeleine by Vincenzo Natali. A young, lost tourist meets a vampire and they suck each other's blood. Okay, it's not really that bad, at least it's different from all the other episodes. We meet the couple again shortly in the end, and after seeing them high in a wild party it all makes much more sense. Oh, and I'll always have a soft spot fo that blue-eyed little man called Elijah Wood. Ah, he's just so pretty.

In summary, Paris Je t'aime is fantastic. Its New York counterpart is alright, too, but not like this one. And the series continues! Apparently threre are similar episode films on the way for Shanghai, Rio and Jerusalem. Me happy!