Aug 22, 2013

Kick-Ass 2 (2013) / Avengers assemble, asshole

"Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch."

Once upon a time my ass was figuratively kicked by Kick-Ass. In other words, I really got a great kick out of the movie. And it really was damn awesome, wasn't it? I remember sometimes calling it my favorite superhero movie, next to The Avengers. 'Cause it's just great fun. The sequel continues to entertain, it makes me laugh out loud, and also cringe, because some of the stuff they pull is pretty yucky. Lawn movers and all. I don't thoroughly enjoy all the violence and the obnoxious deaths, but let's face it, Kick-Ass wouldn't be Kick-Ass if someone didn't get decapitated or their guts spilled out in a hilarious way every once in a while.

Some spoilers.

I was hoping that in a new plot twist Dave Lizewski would have decided to grow a mustache. Sadly, that didn't happen, but luckily there's always Anna Karenina. Aaron T-J has been my wet dream for quite a while, with or without mustache, and I enjoyed him again, especially during those last frames. I will be rewinding those seconds and watching them again and again once I get my hands on a DVD. When I'm forty I will totally marry a 20-year-old Aaron Johnson. It is my ultimate goal in life.

But not even the flawless abs or the awesome scale of supporting characters (from the terrifying Mother Russia and Jim Carey's Colonel to the sweet Team Remembering Peter and Christopher Mintz-Plasse who delivers every time) can outshine the true star of the film: Hit Girl/Mindy Macready/Chloƫ Grace Moretz. Hit-Girl and Katniss Everdeen should unite to be the most ass-kicking teenage girl duo ever. They'd shoot squirrels and hit President Snow square in the face, with some awesome background music. Anyway. Fangirl brain, stop. Hit-Girl was a big part of the charm of the first movie, but now she has a more significant role, and she gets more meatier stuff, and I loved it. If Kick-Ass was a Kick-Ass movie, Kick-Ass 2 was a Hit-Girl movie. High school is tough, growing up is a bitch, and fitting in is pain, even if you are only the most bad-ass girl in the universe. But even Hit-Girl isn't completely immune to boy bands.

Kick-Ass 2 might be an action comedy sequel before anything else, but it ended up delivering a very sincere message, even if it was delivered via disgusting images of spilled guts and severed penises. You can choose what to do with your life; you can choose to be a super villain, or you can choose to do good with what you have. With no power, comes no responsibility, expect that isn't true. I stole that from the first movie, but it's a cool thought. It's what the whole franchise is about: choosing to fight for good, even though you're probably going to get your ass kicked, because you have no superpowers whatsoever. "You don't have to be bad-ass to be a superhero, you just have to be brave."

By the way, Bechdel test passed! Not bad for a superhero movie. The two most bad-ass characters were female, and I seriously doubt there's ever been a more terrifying villain in anything ever than Mother Russia. And Hit-Girl, she's a total cowboy. In the end, she kisses the good-looking guy, and drives off to the sunset in a motorcycle. I want to be Hit-Girl when I grow up. And I can't wait for ChloĆ« Grace Moretz to grow up and do more amazing movies and blow everyone's minds away. But, you know, not with weapons, but with her talent. I also can't wait for Kick-Ass 3. Not to mention The Avengers sequel. Aaron T-J is going to be in it, as if there weren't enough heartbreakingly beautiful men involved in that franchise already. I'm not sure if my ovaries will be able to handle it, but I will be so pleased to give it a try.

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