Anna Karenina (2012) / appreciation for Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache

"You can't ask why about love."

I'm being very honest with the title there. I really am not going to talk about the movie Anna Karenina that much. I'm just mostly going to talk about Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache. I wish I was kidding.

Anna Karenina was very much what I expected it to be. It was quite pleasant to watch, not just because of the certain mustache, but also because of the beautiful sets and the cinematography and the costumes. Joe Wright has directed many films that I have enjoyed watching, first and foremost Atonement, which is one of my favorite films of all time, and which also made me fall irrevocably in love with James McAvoy. And which I haven't seen in a few years, actually! Gee, I need to fix that. And see if it's still favorite material.

I am one of those people who have always liked Keira Knightley. Admittedly, most of my positive sentiments for her derive from Atonement (and that gorgeous green dress!), but I've enjoyed her other performances, too. If nothing else, she can definitely pull of a sophisticated, 18th/19th century aristocrat lady.  By the way, the make-up department should get an Oscar for making Jude Law look so unattractive. That takes some skill, yo!

I find it amusing that Matthew Macfayden has been demoted from being Keira Knightley's love interest to being her brother. Ouch! The years have not been as kind to Mr. Darcy as they have been to Elizabeth Bennet. (Macfayden is eleven years Knightley's senior, though, so it's only fair that he retires from romantic leading roles earlier than her.) I liked his character, though. Comic relief is always likable.

The film was a tad too long, and at times felt very aimless. I'm not sure about the necessity of some of the subplots. Like I'm not sure whether I liked the way they used the stage as a device in telling the story. It felt strange, and confusing in the beginning.

The romance of Anna Karenina and Count Vronsky is the heart of the story, so I guess it is the thing that has to be blamed for the film leaving my mind un-blown. I mean, of course I find the premise completely believable: Bring me Aaron Taylor-Johnson wearing that mustache and the hair and the uniform, and have him shoot a few of those seductive glances at me, and I'll leave my imaginary husband before you can say, "It's ironic that Jude Law plays the decent, saint-like husband who gets cheated on by his wife who falls for someone young and good-looking".

Anyway. What I most enjoyed about the film was the beginning: when they brought in Aaron T-J (damn you, dude, for getting married and changing your last name into something so long and troublesome to type) and painted the picture about what a charmer and a heart-breaker he is, and then had him and Keira exchange some of those lingering looks loaded with sexual tension, and showed him kissing hands in intense and intimate close-ups. Ooooh. Yeah, after that no member of the audience can blame Anna Karenina for ruining her life for this young hunk of a man.

Let's review:

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 1: The smoking hot glances full of pure sex and seduction.

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 2: The super hot close-ups of kissing of hands.

Unfortunately, after the hand-kissing and the sex-glancing have worked their magic, and Anna and Vronsky fall in love so swiftly and randomly during one dance that you think you're watching a Disney animation, my interest and hopes for the film drop significantly, not to to be raised again.

Not even letting us witness the two of them kissing, more passionately and more up close than any of us in the audience feel comfortable watching, could revive the excited feelings I felt in the beginning. Because, in the end, I felt we didn't get to see enough layers in the characters. We see they are both very attractive, but we don't really get why that attraction turned into love. But, well, you can't ask why about love, you know. Still, I wanted to go a little deeper. I didn't end up caring about the characters too much.

What I did care about, however, was Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache. It's weird. One should not look good in a mustache. Who really wears a mustache? Except for Charlie Chaplin and Hitler, and only one of them looks good wearing it. A mustache and a head full of fake blond curls is not the easiest combination to rock, especially if you are obligated to charm all of Earth's female population while doing it. So, two thumbs up for Aaron T-J for showing that mustache can be the new sexy. We can only hope he'll adapt that look to the Kick-Ass sequel, too. Really, honestly, seriously: Not many young men could pull of that look.

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 3: The mustache.

I went to see Anna Karenina in the cinema of my childhood and teenage years, which was so nice, because it had been ages since the last time I went there. The audience consisted mostly of high school kids, who had come to see the film as a class assignment. Me and and my friend felt old, and oddly envious of the lucky 16-year-olds, for having such simple lives, and just hanging out at school, only dreaming about their future, instead of having to live it. Anyway, the teenagers giggled at certain parts that made them feel uncomfortable, and that made me feel uncomfortable. At times I didn't have an idea why they were bursting out laughing. Oh well. Perhaps you can't ask why about unintentional comedy, either.

Then I came to think that had they made the Star Wars prequels ten years later, Aaron Johnson (or Taylor-Johnson, whatever) could have been the perfect Anakin Skywalker that Hayden Christensen was never quite able to be. He actually might have made some of the awkward romance scenes work, too, with a few of those Glances of Seduction. Might have. Just something I hope to have a detailed, vivid, lengthy dream about tonight.

Hmm.

I start writing these things, thinking I have hardly anything to say, because the film didn't have much of an impact on me, but then I end up writing a post, comparable to a Tolstoy classic in length. Oh, the power of a good mustache. I'll finish by quoting the actual novel, and maybe thus fool you into thinking that this has been a very intelligent and sophisticated post, indeed.

He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.

~ Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

My TOP 5 favourite male bonds in movies

Well, the title says it all, doesn't it? Here's a list of my favourite male twosomes (platonic bonds only)! Please, feel free to protest.

5. Gay Perry & Harry (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, 2005)

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is quite a hilarious movie. And most of the comedy emerges from the interaction between the characters of Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer. RDJ's small-time crook Harry babbles away in a pace that is quite a challenge to keep up with and Kilmer's bad ass gay detective Gay Perry rolls his eyes and tells Harry to shut the fuck up, you fucking idiot. For a little taste of that excellent team work, see the 'eight percent chance' scene, and the film's gag reel, too, because those two just crack me up.

"Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?"
"A picture of me?"
"No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!"

4. Gordie & Chris (Stand by Me, 1986)

These two might no crack me up much, but they certainly do melt my heart and make me wish I was a 12-year-old boy. (And just to be clear, that doesn't happen too often. (I mean the latter.)) Gordie and Chris, played by Wil Wheaton and River Phoenix, are so good buddies in such a profound and mature way that all you can do is envy them... and then melt away. So, whether it's about messing around with big boys' toys or opening up about your sorrows, they can always count on each other. As long as they are twelve, at least... Growing up sucks.

"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

3. Holmes & Watson (Sherlock Holmes, 2009)

(Another RDJ, sorry.) Once I heard someone say that if RDJ had as good a chemistry with Rachel McAdams as he has with Jude Law, the film would've worked so much better. Haha, can't argue that. Holmes and Watson know each other very well, too well, even, and they constantly piss each other off, but still can fully rely on the other in a tough spot. And yeah, there's that slightly homoerotic vibe. That old-married-couple-ness is so much fun, really.

"You've never complained about my methods before."
"I'm not complaining. How am I complaining? When have do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?"

2. Merry & Pippin (The Lord of the Rings, 2001, 2002, 2003)

Of all the amazing friendships The Lord of the Rings has to offer, I chose this twosome without hesitation. Why? Because they have been friends like forever. Because they will be friends forever. Because if you separate them, they are just two lonely and lost and miserable halves. Because they are goofy and cute and adorable. Because Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd just click, and it shows. Because they appreciate the value of second breakfast. Okay?
 

"Are we lost?"

"No."

"I think we are."

"Shh. Gandalf's thinking."
"Merry?"

"What?"
"I'm hungry."

1. Anakin & Obi-Wan (Star Wars, 1999, 2002, 2005)

They shouldn't be number one. I mean, the way they potray this friendship in the films, and the way Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen act it, isn't always winner material. However, behind the occasional new-generation Star Wars horridness, there is a great and powerful story about a long, deep, strong bond that breaks apart under world-shattering circumstances. So that makes Anakin and Obi-Wan worth this ranking. (PS. Don't get me wrong, I like the prequels. Even I and II, kind of.)

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Consolation prizes go to Woody & Buzz from Toy Story (1995, 1999, 2010) and Gerry/Daphne & Joe/Josephine from Some Like It Hot (1959). Sorry guys, you didn't quite make it. It was close, alright. I finalized the list before Toy Story 3, and afterwards I thought about cheating and making it a TOP 6, but I didn't. Maybe I should've. Still, Woody and Buzz are great (Woody and Andy, too!). And none of these guys would look so good on a dress as Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis did! Ewan McGregor, maybe? Anyway.

So... Who did I forget?