Warm Bodies (2013) / love cures all

"Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy."

Zombie is the new vampire. In the race for the title of the hottest undead, Alexander Skarsgård just got some competition. I wonder which freak of nature pop culture will choose to be the next wet dream for female masses around the world. The could do Frankenstein monsters. Or maybe mummies should make a comeback, but this time, you know, hot. Just think how the bloody bandages would unravel to reveal the toned body of some Hollywood hunk. Mm hm. I'm feeling it. The mummy returns again. Perhaps wearing a cute, red hoodie.

Let me just say, first, that I really support the idea of banning everyone under-aged from cinemas. I know I was an annoying giggling teenager once, too, but I was never that bad. I totally would've shut up if some scary-looking older female person had turned around and stared at me, pissed off. But no! I want to say, 'Kids these days!', but I don't want to sound that old. Anyway, I really wanted to turn into a zombie and eat the brains of those loud, annoying, inconsiderate, bad-behaving teenage boys. Then I would've learned what the heck is wrong with them, not being able to just SHUT UP. Probably I would've found out something shocking, like, 'I'm a teenage boy, loud and inconsiderate is what I do'. Well. I hope my angry glances taught them a lesson. My glances can be very educative, you know.

Back to the point. I was always eager to see Warm Bodies, ever since I saw the trailer (which, by the way, reveals too much; Trailers these days! Ugh!). I know my taste in movies quite well, so I know I wouldn't be able resist a romantic horror comedy. With a contributor like Nicholas Hoult involved. And zombies. Zombies are fun. There is a lot of comedy in the way they just say "uuuuuuurgh" and stare. I really want to see the outtakes of the scene where R and his friend have that 'conversation'. And the voice-over made me want to read the book.

Nicholas Hoult does have a special place in my heart, and the girly, giggly fangirl in me finds him very enjoyable to look at. This is a strange thing to admit, but I found him much more good-looking as a half-zombie-half-human than full-human. Full-human was too pretty, too Tony from Skins. Speaking of too pretty, I kept thinking how wrong the people who compare this movie to Twilight are. If this was like Twilight, the girl would've been like, "Ooooh, I want to be dead like you! Bite me! BITE ME!". I actually liked the girl character, and Analeigh from America's Next Top Model was a lot of fun. I remember watching her in the show, and rooting for her, and I remember Tyra saying that she should pursue acting.

Warm Bodies was a very sweet, entertaining movie, just what I wanted and expected. The plot was very simple and straight-forward, and it didn't try to be more epic or ground-shattering than it was. I found it a surprisingly sincere and down-to-earth kind of movie. Just enough romance, just enough horror, just enough comedy. Although undeniably predictable, it didn't feel cliched or cheesy. It made me feel good. It's a movie you would hug if you could. Love cures all - even a zombie apocalypse.

Nostalgia

In the past couple of days (that can mean two days or two weeks or more, however you want to see it) I've had way too much free time (meaning I have hardly any lectures but SHOULD be doing IMMENSE amounts of independent study), so I've found myself making some dips in the nostalgic pool of my past passions and addictions. There's been the usual, more recent stuff like The Hunger Games and Klaine, but I also enjoyed some Chaplin comedy again the other day, and really feel like I need a fix of River Phoenix, too. And all this Episode VII talk makes me want to put on another 6-movie marathon, because it's been way too long.

Today I made the fateful mistake and was silly enough to read one of my posts from the early summer of 2010. That time was important in my fangirling life in the sense that Lost ended in May, and I was left nursing a hole bigger and more aching than no other fictional work has ever left in me (except for the Harry Potter books, maybe). This means that I wrote a lot about Lost. And now I read one of those post. And you know, if I give Lost my little finger, it'll soon have my whole hand. Both hands. And feet, and all my other limbs, too. I'm lucky I don't have the DVD's at my flat right now. Still, another Complete Lost Marahtron is an inevitability waiting to happen.

"Dear diary. Still on the bloody island. Today I swallowed a bug."

Good times!

In other news, I am currently occupying myself in catching up on my New Year Resolutions (I'm trying to tackle August at the moment, so there's still some way to go), being addicted to Breaking Bad (pun kind of intended) and feeling sorry for myself for being so broke that I'm not free to go to movies anytime I feel like it. Then again, I'm silly and easily persuaded, so the other day I agreed to go to see Paranormal Activity 4 with some friends. I've only seen the first one (and I'm pretty sure I was drunk at the time), and I haven't seen a horror movie in cinema since The Ring 2, which is for a reason. So, at the theatre I noticed that the new Bond was playing at the same time, and I started a passionate persuading process to convince my friends to go see that instead. We couldn't make up our minds, so at the ticket booth one round of rock-paper-scissors made the decision. I lost, and slept with the lights on the following night. And it wasn't even a particularly scary movie! I don't know how I slept after The Ring 2. Maybe I didn't.

Now I'm just waiting for The Hobbit, while hoping no one will say a word to me about Breaking Dawn Part 2, because I know I'd just say what the hell and throw that money to the wind.

I mentioned Breaking Bad; I should really write a post about it, it's a pretty cool show. Apparently I'm also writing my Bachelor's Thesis on it. Humanities, you know...

Also, I have a massive, Disney-related post on the way, which I've been working on for a year or something. It's the bomb! Although it has nothing to do with Breaking Bad. That Jesse Pinkman slang is just contagious.

EDIT// It's soon 1am and I've been sitting here for hours watching and listening to Disney videos on YouTube. This is going to be a long night...

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (2011) / unsurprisingly unsurprising

I went to Atlanta and Washington DC for my Thanksgiving break, and finally had a chance to go to movies again. I hadn't seen a movie in a theatre for more than two months, which is a personal record I don't wish to break again any time soon. There is a threatre in Emporia, but you need a car to get there, so basically it's out of my reach. Now that I again had cinemas within my reach, (and time, too, unlike on our fall break trip to California), me and my travelling companion went to movies not once, not twice, but three times in eight days. And I still feel it wasn't enough. I was supposed to put my thoughts together about each three films, but so it happens, I managed to do so only on Twilight. Which is so twisted. I actually liked My Week with Marilyn and J.Edgar a lot, but for some unfair reason writing about them is too much right now.

We weren't even supposed to go see Twilight. We were supposed to go see J. Edgar, but there wasn't a showing at the right time, and we wanted to go see something anyway, and what do you know, Breaking Dawn was just starting in ten minutes. I had seen the previous ones in cinemas, but I'd planned on not seeing the last ones. Oh well. At least it wasn't in 3D. Part of the Twilight cinema experience has always been the people around you, laughing at wrong places, and making mocking "whoo" sounds whenever Jacob takes his shirt off. And I must say, the company was perfect, once again. Of course you have to feel a little sorry for those few who actually come to see the film seriously.

I don't have much to say about the film itself. I once wrote a huge monster post about Eclipse, concentrating on the phenomenon that Twilight is, and I still feel pretty much the same way. You just cannot make a great movie when the source material is what it is. We know it's crap, but still, let the girls have their fun. And so on. I'm still 100% Team Jacob. Even Kristen Stewart (whom I just can't help but find annoying) is much more natural in those few Bella/Jacob scenes. That relationship is just so wonderfully close to normal among all the freakish and awkward Bella/Edward stuff. Anna Kendrick was again my biggest source of joy, even though her and Bella's (human) group of friends got hardly any screen time at all. The sex scene was kind of lame, and all the pregnancy stuff plain disgusting. I mean, yes, it's very nice that they actually made Bella look like an absolutely horrible corpse, but all the blood and the breaking bones just made me want to look away. Again, yes, it's just the source material, but ugh, I'd rather have watched more of that lame sex than a skeleton Bella drinking blood.

So yeah. Nothing surprising here. I knew what to expect so watching all the awkward dialogue wasn't too painful. At least now I've seen it and don't have to worry about it ever again. But I have to go see last final movie, too, just to see how they adapt the most horrible ending of the most horrible book in the world to the screen. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.


"Jacob has an idea."
"It's more of a snide remark!"

Alex reads Twilight & Eeva laughs her head off

Still waiting for the damn flu to find something better to do than bullying me. I suppose it's really enjoying itself. Today I've been using this lovely, lovely spray, that burns your nostrils so much that your eyes water. It better help. Lying down and staring at the TV screen can be pretty nice for a day or two, but I'm getting a bit sick of it by now. 

Luckily, there is Alex. Alex is a twenty-something British fellow, who once upon a time read the first book of the Twilight series and videoed his reactions to each chapter. And its amazingly entertaining! That guy is so wonderfully witty and the points he makes are so spot-on is very hilarious. The first video is embedded below (here's the link). Do enjoy!

NB! Not recommended for a hardcore Twilight fan. You'll just get insulted and that's not nice, right? But if you are aware of the, with all due respect (because it's still Stephanie Meyer, not me, who sits comfily in his big house wondering what to do with all that money) poor quality of the writing and are willing to look at the book with a sense of humour, these videos are just for you.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse - a triumph of modern cinema!

After this morning's nostalgia trip to the golden 30s, I went to cinema to marvel how amazingly much the industry has gone forward since those days.

(Above you can see me quietly mocking the superficialized, struggling-with-inflation present day Hollywood movies (which I - in spite of all - unconditionally and irrevocably love). This might become a very sarcastic and mean post. Sorry. I don't mean it. Much.)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Directed by David Slade. Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattionson, Taylor Lautner.

Long story short: Bella has to choose between her super cool vampire BF* Edward and her super hot werewolf BFF** Jacob. OMG you'll never guess which one she chooses!!! (Okay, really, something else happens, too. But that's what they always come back to.)

So. I will probably sound quite insincere and hypocritical here, mocking the film and the series, and yet I went to see this a day after the premiere and will go see the last ones, too and I'm writing a post about it and it will probably be very long. But Twilight is easy and fun to mock, because the mayhem around is just ridiculous. I promise I'll say something nice in the end. First I'll jeer and make some stupid sarcastic comments. Then I'll be nice and reasonable.

I read the books a year or two back. I didn't love them, but of course I wanted to know how it would end. (It ended badly. Like in a worst way a book has ended, ever. I'll get back to that.) The films are alright entertainment, for the right mood, and yes, I have the first one on my shelf, but hey I only bought it at the airport because I had to use the rest of my pounds, and...! Well. Anyway. The books are quite badly written, which is why it makes me embarrasingly angry when people say Twilight is the new Harry Potter or something. Er? No they aren't. You're wrong. Shut up.

Okay, so there's still that certain appeal to these books and films. Appeal for the girls, mostly. Though there are these so called Twilight mums that creep me out a bit. This hysterical fan culture makes the girls go crazy and thus the guys go all pissed off, because they don't want their girlfriends to be fantasizing about sexy sparkling vampires. And hell, I get it. This is exactly the reason I dislike Megan Fox. Anyway. IMDb's user rating for Eclipse tells a lot: at the moment it's 3.6 - 31.9 % gave it a ten, 48.7 % gave it a one. Most of the raters surely haven't even seen the film. Along with the huge popularity always comes the counterreaction.

Okay, enough about the phenomenon, for now. Eclipse was unintendedly comical. That's a major reason for the entertainment value. The action part is alright, mostly. The romance and drama side of the film, then, is where the comicalness begins. And it can be very frustrating and annoying, too, if you take it too seriously. Bella is the worst heroine ever. Don't follow her lead, sweethearts! Edward is a crazy, possesive stalker. Jacob is kind of normal. That's why I'm Team Jacob all the way! Nah. I'm Team Jasper. Or Team Charlie. Or Team Anna Kendrick. I'm glad they gave her more lines this time. That Oscar nomination truly paid off, eh?

Um, I was talking about unintended comedy? The CGI, man, there was better CGI on the first Star Wars, and this is the 21st century for heaven's sake, and you'd think they have money to make wolves that don't look like soft toys, but apparently not. They had cool wolves in Narnia. They had one pretty authentic werewolf in The Prisoner of the Azkaban. Ask those guys to make you a wolf, so maybe next time a dramatic scene won't be spoiled because the audience is laughing at a toy wolf. And Victoria's dead double dead body... Ha ha. By the way this new Victoria was just lame. The previous Victoria was a real badass. And her hair didn't look so much like a wig

Um um. K-Stew is still a bit annoying. R-Patz is stiff and awkward but I'll get to him (too) later. I don't think they have a stupid nickname for Taylor Lautner so I'll just call him Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner is alright, he doesn't annoy me because I like Jacob. Jasper aka Jackson Rathbone is hot (even better as a non-vampire!). I like his backstory and Rosalie's, too. I liked that he spoke with a slight Southern accent. Though I don't think he spoke like that before. Not that he spoke very much before. Emmett is funny. The only things I laughed at (that I was SUPPOSED to be laughing at) were some comment of Emmett's and Charlie and Bella's sex conversation. The characters felt real for a moment and were interacting in a genuine way! Wow! No, but it was funny.

By the way, I'm afraid I have to plea guilty for being a bad cinema goer this time. I hope our entourage's gigling didn't spoil any other teenage girl's movie experience. Couldn't help it, though! We were getting restless, because the movie just went on and on, and my friend asked me how long till it ends and I said ten minutes, and almost at the same time on screen someone asked how long till the Volturi gets here and someone else answered that a few minutes, maybe ten. Sorry, but the situation was funny and we cracked up quite badly. Speaking of Volturi, Dakota Fanning was chillingly good! That girl will get an Oscar one day. Not for a Twilight film, though.

I think this is a good place to say those nice and reasonable things I made a promise about. (Insert a pause here.) ... (A long pause.) ... I guess it's an official truth that Twilight films aren't GOOD, in the most profound sense of the word. (You know, when you saw the title of this post, you knew I was kidding, and so on.) BUT I don't think you can say they are bad. I mean, they are, aren't they, but after all Eclipse grossed 70 million dollars on it's opening day. That means there are a lot of people around who like the series and want to pay for seeing them. Remembering the concept of target group is important here. Of course Eclipse is a terrible movie for a 34-year-old mechanic, who likes Rambo and beer. Or for a cultured film critic, who enjoys Polish art house films and the work of Lars von Trier. Twilight isn't meant for those people. It's for the girls, who have a need to drool over handsome young men and dream about that romance that makes you bite your pillow. (I just made a Breaking Dawn reference. Outch.) So let them have their fun. I had Elijah Wood, let them have R-Patz. I'm kind of talking straight at myself here. I'm not the one to judge, I've been as bad as they are. Almost as bad.

Okay, not as bad. Twilight fans are crazy. Seriously. Which brings me to the other matter I was meant to get back to. I really feel bad for Robert Pattinson. I just read an interview where he said that he can't wait for the whole Twilight thing to be over. Can't blame him. I can only imagine how crazy his life is. Poor guy! Half of the world scream and faint in front of him, the other half would punch him in the nose if they had a chance. Roughly saying. I have done my part in this - I had my counterreaction phase and I was very enthusiastically mocking Pattinson for having a bad personal hygiene, because I read somewhere that he doesn't shower often, or something. I'd like to take that back now, Rob. I'm sure you smell very good. And I hope you someday get rid of the Twilight stigma. I don't know about his acting, playing Edward Cullen clearly isn't the best chance to show one's talents. But... We'll see. And I have to admit, he is kind of good-looking. In other words, very handsome. Just no my type, exactly.

This is crazy. I shoudn't have this much to say about Twilight. I'm not sure if I've even said anything reasonable. But. One more thing, and then I'll stop. Breaking Dawn, the last book of the series, will come in two parts, in 3D. Which I don't get. Sure, I get that people like money, but what the hell are they going to do with the movies? Breaking Dawn is a terrible book. Personally I think they should just pretend it was never written. The book's quite disgusting, and it has scenes I definitely don't want to see on screen, not even on 2D. And I'm not even getting started about The Anticlimax of All Time. BUT, it's kind of interesting, too. By now they've managed to take three mediocre books and make them into three mediocre films. Now, with an Oscar winning director, can they make a terrible book into an okay film? (Maybe. If they totally change the ending. And many other things, too.)

There. I think I got it all out of my system now. I don't know if I had a point, and if I did, I don't know if I managed to put it in words. Sorry. Here's a brief summary: Eclipse certainly isn't 'a triumph of modern cinema', but okay entertainment for the target audience, when not taken too seriously. And let's be honest, don't we all go to the cinema and pay for the ticket jus to see Taylor Lautner take his shirt off?

"I'm hotter than you are."

* BF = boyfriend. ** BFF = best friends forever. Just in case you aren't familiar with the wonderful internet slang of today's youth.