Kick-Ass 2 (2013) / Avengers assemble, asshole

"Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch."

Once upon a time my ass was figuratively kicked by Kick-Ass. In other words, I really got a great kick out of the movie. And it really was damn awesome, wasn't it? I remember sometimes calling it my favorite superhero movie, next to The Avengers. 'Cause it's just great fun. The sequel continues to entertain, it makes me laugh out loud, and also cringe, because some of the stuff they pull is pretty yucky. Lawn movers and all. I don't thoroughly enjoy all the violence and the obnoxious deaths, but let's face it, Kick-Ass wouldn't be Kick-Ass if someone didn't get decapitated or their guts spilled out in a hilarious way every once in a while.

Some spoilers.

I was hoping that in a new plot twist Dave Lizewski would have decided to grow a mustache. Sadly, that didn't happen, but luckily there's always Anna Karenina. Aaron T-J has been my wet dream for quite a while, with or without mustache, and I enjoyed him again, especially during those last frames. I will be rewinding those seconds and watching them again and again once I get my hands on a DVD. When I'm forty I will totally marry a 20-year-old Aaron Johnson. It is my ultimate goal in life.

But not even the flawless abs or the awesome scale of supporting characters (from the terrifying Mother Russia and Jim Carey's Colonel to the sweet Team Remembering Peter and Christopher Mintz-Plasse who delivers every time) can outshine the true star of the film: Hit Girl/Mindy Macready/Chloë Grace Moretz. Hit-Girl and Katniss Everdeen should unite to be the most ass-kicking teenage girl duo ever. They'd shoot squirrels and hit President Snow square in the face, with some awesome background music. Anyway. Fangirl brain, stop. Hit-Girl was a big part of the charm of the first movie, but now she has a more significant role, and she gets more meatier stuff, and I loved it. If Kick-Ass was a Kick-Ass movie, Kick-Ass 2 was a Hit-Girl movie. High school is tough, growing up is a bitch, and fitting in is pain, even if you are only the most bad-ass girl in the universe. But even Hit-Girl isn't completely immune to boy bands.

Kick-Ass 2 might be an action comedy sequel before anything else, but it ended up delivering a very sincere message, even if it was delivered via disgusting images of spilled guts and severed penises. You can choose what to do with your life; you can choose to be a super villain, or you can choose to do good with what you have. With no power, comes no responsibility, expect that isn't true. I stole that from the first movie, but it's a cool thought. It's what the whole franchise is about: choosing to fight for good, even though you're probably going to get your ass kicked, because you have no superpowers whatsoever. "You don't have to be bad-ass to be a superhero, you just have to be brave."

By the way, Bechdel test passed! Not bad for a superhero movie. The two most bad-ass characters were female, and I seriously doubt there's ever been a more terrifying villain in anything ever than Mother Russia. And Hit-Girl, she's a total cowboy. In the end, she kisses the good-looking guy, and drives off to the sunset in a motorcycle. I want to be Hit-Girl when I grow up. And I can't wait for Chloë Grace Moretz to grow up and do more amazing movies and blow everyone's minds away. But, you know, not with weapons, but with her talent. I also can't wait for Kick-Ass 3. Not to mention The Avengers sequel. Aaron T-J is going to be in it, as if there weren't enough heartbreakingly beautiful men involved in that franchise already. I'm not sure if my ovaries will be able to handle it, but I will be so pleased to give it a try.

Kick-Ass

Sometimes it's very handy to have a little brother! At the moment I'm at home, meaning at my parent's house, and I talked my brother into going to watch Kick-Ass with me: he buys the tickets, I buy the popcorn! Works every time, ha ha. I just love cinemas! I could live in a cinema. Or at least work in one. If I had time and money, I'd go to cinema every single day, I swear! Alright, here we go...

Kick-Ass (2010)

Directed by Matthew Vauhgn. Starring Aaron Johnson, Mark Strong, Chloe Moretz, Nicolas Cage, Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

Long story short: A geeky teenager Dave decides to become a superhero, because who wouldn't want to put on a costume and fight crime? Turns out he's not the only superhero in town. And there's also a group of bad guys, really bad guys, who need to be taken care of.

To summarize my feelings, I'll quote Damon Lindelof, one of the creators and writers of Lost - and also my favorite real life geek. This is what he wrote on his Twitter page a while back: Kick-Ass did just that. Amen! I couldn't have said it better myself. I had really high expectations, but for once they weren't too high. Kick-Ass has to be one of the most entertaining movies EVER! First of all, how cool is the idea of geeky teenage boy becoming a superhero, just for fun? Oh yes. Excellent.

What is the official genre of this film, anyway...? Because it had like, everything. The humour was just great, at times it reminded me of Zombieland, which I also liked a lot. I loved all the references to comic books and popular culture in general... ("I always wanted to say this. Say hello to my little friend!" and "Haven't you seen American Beauty or Sin City?") I almost cheered when they mentioned Lost, too! (Especially since the same thing has crossed my mind, too! That's a bit sad, isn't it? Ha ha. Yes. But I really like Lost, okay?)

The plot ran smoothly, building up very nicely, and there was no dull moment. It obviously made me laugh, but it managed to touch me, too. And I got shivers, twice, which doesn't happen in every movie. The characters, then, and the cast. Mark Strong was quite brilliant. I sometimes have some problems with Nic Cage, but he was rather funny. I've previously seen Christopher Mintz-Plasse in Role Models (very funny, too! And he's just hilarious.) and I like him. The question is, will he ever play anyone who's not a geek? Not that there's anything wrong with that, no.


Then two of my favorites. I think Hit Girl just might be the coolest little girl ever. I was her who caused both of the shivers. (Her and the music.) She was like Natalie Portman in Leon, only trillion times cooler. There's a role model for you! ... Or not, but anyway.

It's not unusual for me to dislike the main character. But not this time! How could you dislike this fellow?

At the beginning Aaron Johnson had been ugly-fied, with a trick that has to be the oldest in the book of Hollywood: mess up the hair, put on some unstylish clothes and a pair of glasses. As the movie goes on, he magically starts to look better and better. And actually, it's not hard to believe that this is the same guy:

"Hi! My only superpower is to be invisible to girls." Yeah... right. I feel your pain, man.

Anyway. I checked his IMDb page, and I was happy to find out that he plays the young John Lennon in Nowhere boy, which has been on my must see list for a while now! That's it, now I'm really watching that film.

Kick-Ass offered some of the best ass-kicking in the history of kicking asses. It was bloody and violent, but not in a disgusting kind of way. Not too disgusting, anyway... I'm not very familiar with comic books, but still I enjoyed the movie hugely. And I'm looking forward to the sequel. There will be a sequel, right?

"With no power, comes no responsibility."

And an honourable mention:

"Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!"

Edit// Aw crap, I just found out that Aaron Johnson is younger than me. I'm officially a cougar! Hurray. Oh well. It's fashionable nowadays.