Kick-Ass 2 (2013) / Avengers assemble, asshole

"Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch."

Once upon a time my ass was figuratively kicked by Kick-Ass. In other words, I really got a great kick out of the movie. And it really was damn awesome, wasn't it? I remember sometimes calling it my favorite superhero movie, next to The Avengers. 'Cause it's just great fun. The sequel continues to entertain, it makes me laugh out loud, and also cringe, because some of the stuff they pull is pretty yucky. Lawn movers and all. I don't thoroughly enjoy all the violence and the obnoxious deaths, but let's face it, Kick-Ass wouldn't be Kick-Ass if someone didn't get decapitated or their guts spilled out in a hilarious way every once in a while.

Some spoilers.

I was hoping that in a new plot twist Dave Lizewski would have decided to grow a mustache. Sadly, that didn't happen, but luckily there's always Anna Karenina. Aaron T-J has been my wet dream for quite a while, with or without mustache, and I enjoyed him again, especially during those last frames. I will be rewinding those seconds and watching them again and again once I get my hands on a DVD. When I'm forty I will totally marry a 20-year-old Aaron Johnson. It is my ultimate goal in life.

But not even the flawless abs or the awesome scale of supporting characters (from the terrifying Mother Russia and Jim Carey's Colonel to the sweet Team Remembering Peter and Christopher Mintz-Plasse who delivers every time) can outshine the true star of the film: Hit Girl/Mindy Macready/Chloë Grace Moretz. Hit-Girl and Katniss Everdeen should unite to be the most ass-kicking teenage girl duo ever. They'd shoot squirrels and hit President Snow square in the face, with some awesome background music. Anyway. Fangirl brain, stop. Hit-Girl was a big part of the charm of the first movie, but now she has a more significant role, and she gets more meatier stuff, and I loved it. If Kick-Ass was a Kick-Ass movie, Kick-Ass 2 was a Hit-Girl movie. High school is tough, growing up is a bitch, and fitting in is pain, even if you are only the most bad-ass girl in the universe. But even Hit-Girl isn't completely immune to boy bands.

Kick-Ass 2 might be an action comedy sequel before anything else, but it ended up delivering a very sincere message, even if it was delivered via disgusting images of spilled guts and severed penises. You can choose what to do with your life; you can choose to be a super villain, or you can choose to do good with what you have. With no power, comes no responsibility, expect that isn't true. I stole that from the first movie, but it's a cool thought. It's what the whole franchise is about: choosing to fight for good, even though you're probably going to get your ass kicked, because you have no superpowers whatsoever. "You don't have to be bad-ass to be a superhero, you just have to be brave."

By the way, Bechdel test passed! Not bad for a superhero movie. The two most bad-ass characters were female, and I seriously doubt there's ever been a more terrifying villain in anything ever than Mother Russia. And Hit-Girl, she's a total cowboy. In the end, she kisses the good-looking guy, and drives off to the sunset in a motorcycle. I want to be Hit-Girl when I grow up. And I can't wait for Chloë Grace Moretz to grow up and do more amazing movies and blow everyone's minds away. But, you know, not with weapons, but with her talent. I also can't wait for Kick-Ass 3. Not to mention The Avengers sequel. Aaron T-J is going to be in it, as if there weren't enough heartbreakingly beautiful men involved in that franchise already. I'm not sure if my ovaries will be able to handle it, but I will be so pleased to give it a try.

Anna Karenina (2012) / appreciation for Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache

"You can't ask why about love."

I'm being very honest with the title there. I really am not going to talk about the movie Anna Karenina that much. I'm just mostly going to talk about Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache. I wish I was kidding.

Anna Karenina was very much what I expected it to be. It was quite pleasant to watch, not just because of the certain mustache, but also because of the beautiful sets and the cinematography and the costumes. Joe Wright has directed many films that I have enjoyed watching, first and foremost Atonement, which is one of my favorite films of all time, and which also made me fall irrevocably in love with James McAvoy. And which I haven't seen in a few years, actually! Gee, I need to fix that. And see if it's still favorite material.

I am one of those people who have always liked Keira Knightley. Admittedly, most of my positive sentiments for her derive from Atonement (and that gorgeous green dress!), but I've enjoyed her other performances, too. If nothing else, she can definitely pull of a sophisticated, 18th/19th century aristocrat lady.  By the way, the make-up department should get an Oscar for making Jude Law look so unattractive. That takes some skill, yo!

I find it amusing that Matthew Macfayden has been demoted from being Keira Knightley's love interest to being her brother. Ouch! The years have not been as kind to Mr. Darcy as they have been to Elizabeth Bennet. (Macfayden is eleven years Knightley's senior, though, so it's only fair that he retires from romantic leading roles earlier than her.) I liked his character, though. Comic relief is always likable.

The film was a tad too long, and at times felt very aimless. I'm not sure about the necessity of some of the subplots. Like I'm not sure whether I liked the way they used the stage as a device in telling the story. It felt strange, and confusing in the beginning.

The romance of Anna Karenina and Count Vronsky is the heart of the story, so I guess it is the thing that has to be blamed for the film leaving my mind un-blown. I mean, of course I find the premise completely believable: Bring me Aaron Taylor-Johnson wearing that mustache and the hair and the uniform, and have him shoot a few of those seductive glances at me, and I'll leave my imaginary husband before you can say, "It's ironic that Jude Law plays the decent, saint-like husband who gets cheated on by his wife who falls for someone young and good-looking".

Anyway. What I most enjoyed about the film was the beginning: when they brought in Aaron T-J (damn you, dude, for getting married and changing your last name into something so long and troublesome to type) and painted the picture about what a charmer and a heart-breaker he is, and then had him and Keira exchange some of those lingering looks loaded with sexual tension, and showed him kissing hands in intense and intimate close-ups. Ooooh. Yeah, after that no member of the audience can blame Anna Karenina for ruining her life for this young hunk of a man.

Let's review:

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 1: The smoking hot glances full of pure sex and seduction.

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 2: The super hot close-ups of kissing of hands.

Unfortunately, after the hand-kissing and the sex-glancing have worked their magic, and Anna and Vronsky fall in love so swiftly and randomly during one dance that you think you're watching a Disney animation, my interest and hopes for the film drop significantly, not to to be raised again.

Not even letting us witness the two of them kissing, more passionately and more up close than any of us in the audience feel comfortable watching, could revive the excited feelings I felt in the beginning. Because, in the end, I felt we didn't get to see enough layers in the characters. We see they are both very attractive, but we don't really get why that attraction turned into love. But, well, you can't ask why about love, you know. Still, I wanted to go a little deeper. I didn't end up caring about the characters too much.

What I did care about, however, was Aaron Taylor-Johnson's mustache. It's weird. One should not look good in a mustache. Who really wears a mustache? Except for Charlie Chaplin and Hitler, and only one of them looks good wearing it. A mustache and a head full of fake blond curls is not the easiest combination to rock, especially if you are obligated to charm all of Earth's female population while doing it. So, two thumbs up for Aaron T-J for showing that mustache can be the new sexy. We can only hope he'll adapt that look to the Kick-Ass sequel, too. Really, honestly, seriously: Not many young men could pull of that look.

The best things about Anna Karenina, pt. 3: The mustache.

I went to see Anna Karenina in the cinema of my childhood and teenage years, which was so nice, because it had been ages since the last time I went there. The audience consisted mostly of high school kids, who had come to see the film as a class assignment. Me and and my friend felt old, and oddly envious of the lucky 16-year-olds, for having such simple lives, and just hanging out at school, only dreaming about their future, instead of having to live it. Anyway, the teenagers giggled at certain parts that made them feel uncomfortable, and that made me feel uncomfortable. At times I didn't have an idea why they were bursting out laughing. Oh well. Perhaps you can't ask why about unintentional comedy, either.

Then I came to think that had they made the Star Wars prequels ten years later, Aaron Johnson (or Taylor-Johnson, whatever) could have been the perfect Anakin Skywalker that Hayden Christensen was never quite able to be. He actually might have made some of the awkward romance scenes work, too, with a few of those Glances of Seduction. Might have. Just something I hope to have a detailed, vivid, lengthy dream about tonight.

Hmm.

I start writing these things, thinking I have hardly anything to say, because the film didn't have much of an impact on me, but then I end up writing a post, comparable to a Tolstoy classic in length. Oh, the power of a good mustache. I'll finish by quoting the actual novel, and maybe thus fool you into thinking that this has been a very intelligent and sophisticated post, indeed.

He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.

~ Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, who should play the Spider-Man...?

I have always enjoyed the Spider-Man movies. They are good entertainment with witty(-ish) humour. I even kind of liked the third one. Kind of. They are now rebooting the franchise, so it's bye bye Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire and co. I think this is a good decision, the movies and characters were getting a little... tired. And since they want to keep doing movies about Spider-Man, better bring some fresh blood in and hope the audience is still interested in Spidey's adventures. (Though they might be having a hard time making it interesting enough and different from the previous origin story... which was made less than ten years ago...)

Apparently, Marc Webb is directing (with a surname like that, does he have an option?) and the battle over the role of Peter Parker has narrowed down to a handful of young, brisk gentlemen. This is me listing the candidates' pros and cons and telling them who they should cast because I know best giving my humble opinion about who I would give the part to.

Aaron Johnson

+ He's hot, alright.

+ He showed us in Kick-Ass he can both kick ass and get his ass kicked.

+ He also proved that he can look very nerdy and fake-unattractive if he wants to.

+ But he can also start blossoming, so to speak, when it's time to go all action hero and look good.

- He'd be kind of the obvious choice, wouldn't he?

- He's already Kick-Ass. Does he have to get to be Spider-Man, too?

- If he is cast as Spider-Man, he might not have the time to do more Kick-Ass films. I want more and more Kick-Ass films.

- If he's both Spider-Man and Kick-Ass, he might have to parodise himself in Kick-Ass.

+ Which, on second thought, could be quite cool.

Alden Ehrenreich

- He has a difficult name. They would misspell it in the movie posters, or something.

+ He's an unknown face, which could be nice. Tobey was fairly unknow when he first pulled the leotard on.

+/- I've never seen him before, so I have no idea about this quy's talents.

- He looks a bit old compared to the other candidates. Wouldn't buy him as a teenager.

Andrew Garfield

+ He's adorable.

+ He sure as hell has the talent to do anything he's asked.

- I'd start crying in the middle of a Spider-Man movie, because he reminds me of Boy A.

+ He's a Brit. I'd like a British Spider-Man.

+ Imaginarium proved he looks good in funny costumes, surrounded by CGI.

- I'd rather see him do drama than a brainless superhero movie. He might be too talented for the part.

Anton Yelchin

+ Though I have seen him only in Charlie Bartlett, I liked him a lot in that one.

- Is he too skinny?

+ Nah, there are a lot of gyms in the world.

+ There's a certain kind of Spidey vibe in him.

- He'd have no problems with the comedy part of the role.

Frank Dillane

- He is Voldemort. Voldemort is the most evil thing on Earth.

- I didn't like him as Voldemort. The actor in The Chamber of Secrets was a lot better. This guy was slimy and still kind of tame.

- I don't get the Spidey vibe.

- He doesn't look geeky enough.

- In this picture he looks a bit like James Franco - who of course played Peter's best friend in the trilogy. That might indeed be a better role for him...?

- There seems to be everything wrong with this guy. Sorry. No chance.

+ Because I don't like him, he will surely be cast as Spider-Man.

Jamie Bell

+ He danced his way into my heart as Billy Elliot.

+ So I kind of love him.

+ I liked him a lot in King Kong, too.

+ This could be his chance to shine, to get the symphaties of the big audiences and maybe to get more visible roles in more movies.

+ He's so very cute.

+ He's short of geeky and shy, but I could totally see him transform into a badass superhero.

- I so very much want to see him dance again. Spider-Man might not be the best role for that purpose.

+ On second thought, there was that notorious dance scene in the third movie...

Logan Lerman

+ Sure looks like a teenager.

- Apparently that Percy Jakcson film he was in was kind of bad.

- Oh I don't know. I've never seen him in anything.

-/+ I could totally see the teenage girls go crazy for him. Could turn annoying.

Michael Angerano

+ I remember him being quite sweet in Lords of Dogtown.

+ Looks like an unpopular geek with a heart of gold.

- Should go to gym.

- I just kind of can't see him putting on that costume and looking cool.

+ He's feels like kind of an underdog.

+ I like underdogs.

VERDICT: Jamie Bell should play Peter Parker/Spider-Man. Because I only want good things for that guy and a role in a major franchise might do him a lot of good.

BUT: I suppose they'll be very boring and obvious and cast Aaron Johnson. Because he's so hot right now. And well, I wouldn't mind. (Eye candy is always welcome.) But I just enjoy surprises. I almost hope they cast Voldemort.

Well, they are expected to make the choice very soon. I can only hope they haven't done it while I've been writing this post, so that after I publish this and go to IMDb I spot a news title: Frank Dillane is the new Spider-Man! That would be lame and not only because of the bad choice.

Nowhere Boy

Nowhere Boy (2009)

Directer by Sam Taylor Wood. Starring Aaron Johnson, Kristin Scott Thomas, Anne-Marie Duff, Thomas Sangster.

Long story short: The 15-year-old John Lennon escapes his troubled family life into music.

First of all, this is not a "Beatles movie". It doesn't concentrate on the origins of the band, even though Paul McCartney plays quite an important role in John's early life, and we get to meet George Harrison, too. (George is my favourite Beatle, by the way! I base my opinion mostly on A Hard Day's Night. He's just the best one in it! God I love that film. I really need to write about it some time. Now let's move on before I start quoting the best lines... OKAY-ONLY-ONE! "What do you call that hairstyle you're wearing?" "Arthur." Awesomeness.)

The emphasis is mostly on John's mother issues. He was raised by his aunt Mimi, who's strict, serious and almost cold. His biological mother Julia on the other hand is spirited and carefree. They both cause John problems, equally. Mimi is played by Kristin Scott Thomas (wow, has it really been that long since The English Patient...?) and Julia by Anne-Marie Duff (married to James McAvoy!), and they both do good job, I think.

I had a tiny problem with Thomas Sangster playing Paul. While I loved him in Love Actually, he looks like he hasn't aged a day since then, and that was six bloody years before Nowhere Boy! All I could think of was that his voice didn't match his face. Sorry, but I didn't buy him as Paul! For me, he'll always be that little boy who's desperately in love with the prettiest girl in school. And I can't believe he's actually the same age as Aaron Johnson... I guess puberty doesn't treat everyone equally. Tough!

Next: Aaron Johnson, Hollywood's latest heart-throb, also known as Kick-Ass. He's so preeettyyy...

... maybe even too pretty for John Lennon. But hey, everyone get's to be a bit better-looking when a film is made about them! I actually liked Aaron Johnson, and believed that he was John Lennon. At times he sounded scarily similar to Lennon, both talking and singing voice, really! (I don't know if he did his own singing but anyway.) That wonderful Liverpool accent, and all...

Okay, this is um, interesting. According to the IMDb board, Aaron Johnson is engaged to the director of this film and she's expecting a child. Oh and she's born in 1967, which makes her... 43, right? (I don't trust my math.) And Aaron's 20. Alrighty, before, I was "worried" about being a cougar, because Aaron's a year younger than me, but I guess someone took it a little further. Gosh. I'm not judging, but um, WOW. Well. Whatever floats your boat and all that jazz!

Let's see if I can concentrate on the film for one more minute. Those news were a bit distracting. Right. Nowhere Boy. Where was I...? Okay. What I really liked about the film was the setting and the clothes (that's why all these photos) and the soundtrack and generally the atmosphere. Oh and I miss England! I want to go to England I need to go to England! (Ok, girl, hold on, one trip plan at a time. I'm going to Paris mon cheri bonjour enchante merci beacoup this summer! I'll get to put my enormous French skills into action! Oui, mon ami!)

All in all, Nowhere Boy was quite a charming film. I don't know if it was accurate - apparently Paul McCartney had read the scrip and insisted some changes to be done - but I guess you don't necessarily have to look at it as a bio pic. It was moving and also funny. Something was missing, I admit, but it was a nice film, anyway. Some small delicious details saved a lot. For example, I liked the scene where all those girls were screaming their lungs out for Elvis and John was looking around like "um...okay?". Haha. Just wait for it, mate.

"Oh, why couldn't God make me Elvis?"
"Because he was saving you for John Lennon."
"I'll get you back for that, God!"

Kick-Ass

Sometimes it's very handy to have a little brother! At the moment I'm at home, meaning at my parent's house, and I talked my brother into going to watch Kick-Ass with me: he buys the tickets, I buy the popcorn! Works every time, ha ha. I just love cinemas! I could live in a cinema. Or at least work in one. If I had time and money, I'd go to cinema every single day, I swear! Alright, here we go...

Kick-Ass (2010)

Directed by Matthew Vauhgn. Starring Aaron Johnson, Mark Strong, Chloe Moretz, Nicolas Cage, Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

Long story short: A geeky teenager Dave decides to become a superhero, because who wouldn't want to put on a costume and fight crime? Turns out he's not the only superhero in town. And there's also a group of bad guys, really bad guys, who need to be taken care of.

To summarize my feelings, I'll quote Damon Lindelof, one of the creators and writers of Lost - and also my favorite real life geek. This is what he wrote on his Twitter page a while back: Kick-Ass did just that. Amen! I couldn't have said it better myself. I had really high expectations, but for once they weren't too high. Kick-Ass has to be one of the most entertaining movies EVER! First of all, how cool is the idea of geeky teenage boy becoming a superhero, just for fun? Oh yes. Excellent.

What is the official genre of this film, anyway...? Because it had like, everything. The humour was just great, at times it reminded me of Zombieland, which I also liked a lot. I loved all the references to comic books and popular culture in general... ("I always wanted to say this. Say hello to my little friend!" and "Haven't you seen American Beauty or Sin City?") I almost cheered when they mentioned Lost, too! (Especially since the same thing has crossed my mind, too! That's a bit sad, isn't it? Ha ha. Yes. But I really like Lost, okay?)

The plot ran smoothly, building up very nicely, and there was no dull moment. It obviously made me laugh, but it managed to touch me, too. And I got shivers, twice, which doesn't happen in every movie. The characters, then, and the cast. Mark Strong was quite brilliant. I sometimes have some problems with Nic Cage, but he was rather funny. I've previously seen Christopher Mintz-Plasse in Role Models (very funny, too! And he's just hilarious.) and I like him. The question is, will he ever play anyone who's not a geek? Not that there's anything wrong with that, no.


Then two of my favorites. I think Hit Girl just might be the coolest little girl ever. I was her who caused both of the shivers. (Her and the music.) She was like Natalie Portman in Leon, only trillion times cooler. There's a role model for you! ... Or not, but anyway.

It's not unusual for me to dislike the main character. But not this time! How could you dislike this fellow?

At the beginning Aaron Johnson had been ugly-fied, with a trick that has to be the oldest in the book of Hollywood: mess up the hair, put on some unstylish clothes and a pair of glasses. As the movie goes on, he magically starts to look better and better. And actually, it's not hard to believe that this is the same guy:

"Hi! My only superpower is to be invisible to girls." Yeah... right. I feel your pain, man.

Anyway. I checked his IMDb page, and I was happy to find out that he plays the young John Lennon in Nowhere boy, which has been on my must see list for a while now! That's it, now I'm really watching that film.

Kick-Ass offered some of the best ass-kicking in the history of kicking asses. It was bloody and violent, but not in a disgusting kind of way. Not too disgusting, anyway... I'm not very familiar with comic books, but still I enjoyed the movie hugely. And I'm looking forward to the sequel. There will be a sequel, right?

"With no power, comes no responsibility."

And an honourable mention:

"Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!"

Edit// Aw crap, I just found out that Aaron Johnson is younger than me. I'm officially a cougar! Hurray. Oh well. It's fashionable nowadays.