Oscars 2013: The Verdict

After too few hours of sleep, I cannot be expected to write a coherent text. So I'll just write random thoughts, in a random order. Then I'll maybe sleep some more.

Kristin Chenoweth was a nice change on the Red Carpet, because she was actually a pretty natural interviewer. The first hours were otherwise full of both amused and agonized sighs, aimed towards the incredibly American Red Carpet people. The Finnish commentators made fun of the waving, which was amusing.

The dresses were nice, of course, but I was hoping for more color. And there was not one definite favorite, like last year, with Jessica Chastain, oooh, I still just want to stare at it. But some of my favorites were Halle Berry, Jennifer Lawrence, the little 9-year-old Que, Jessica Chastain (doesn't come close to last year's awe, though), Octavia Spencer, Sally Field and Charlize Theron.

I really did not have any expectations about the host, Seth MacFarlene, but he proved himself to be very hilarious in just a few minutes. Last year they took it so safe with (the ever-charming) Billy Chrystal, so I liked that the jokes were "controversial" this year. I liked the joke about Kate Winslet's boobs, and the one about Daniel Day Lewis trying to free Don Cheadle on the studio lot, the Captain Kirk bit, and John Wilkes Booth ("Really, 150 years and it's still too early?").

Brave won best animation, which was awesome, because I was expecting Wreck-It Ralph (need to see that, actually). I cheered. You go, best-animated-hair-ever! The guy was wearing a kilt. Which is awesome, too.

"So you got nominated for an Oscar: something a 9-year-old could do."

I got my annual fix of Robert Downey Jr. He should've stayed on stage for longer. For the whole show.

Lucius Malfoy won best cinematography for Life of Pi.

I really liked the Chicago/Dreamgirls/Les Mis bit! Catharine Zeta-Jones was a bit lip-synced, but awesome, because Velma Kelly is awesome. One Day More did not make quite that big an impact, now that the cast was wearing smart suits and sparkly dresses, instead of muddy rugs. Still, it was great, really great. Jennifer Hudson sang the heck out of the them all, though.

There was a tie! I didn't realize that can actually happen, but I think this was the third time, or something.

Adele was so great. I mean, that woman! Wow.

Jennifer! When they announced her name, I cheered and then said to my friend, 'I hope she does something dorky', and immediately after that she fell down in the stairs. You're my hero, Jennifer Lawrence!

I liked that there was a theme. It made the show a bit more coherent than usually.

I was a bit bored about Daniel Day Lewis's win, but his speech was really sweet and funny. I'd like to see Lincoln, starring Meryl Streep. By the way, Meryl Streep! Just her luck, isn't it? She thought she could maybe, just for once, skip the Oscars, because for the first time in her life she is not nominated, but then of course she had to come and present. I love her, and her dress, and just, her.

So, Argo won the main prize. Ben Affleck gave such a sweetheart speech, and it was difficult to disapprove. He doesn't usually associate his wife with Iran.

I like that everyone won a little something, and there was not one film to sweep all the awards. Argo won three, including best picture, and Life of Pi won four. So let's call it a tie, shall we? I just typed 'Life of Pie', there. Might be getting hungry. It's always appropriate to have breakfast at 3 pm.

Overall, it was a very satisfactory year. I have some problems with Argo, but who cares about my problems. Quentin won, and Christoph Waltz, and Brave, and Anne Hathaway, and Ang Lee, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson's uniforms, and Jennifer, and at one point there were five Avengers on stage. Harry Potter danced and sang. Channing Tatum didn't take his clothes off, which was a bit disappointing. Ang Lee thanked the movie god, and I understood what he said in Chinese (he said thank you: what a shocker). Meryl Streep literally did not need introductions. That was hilarious, and so true.

That's that. I'll keep it nice and short, before the notorious Jaws melody begins to play and they cut me off. Until next year, Kodak Theater! Yeah, I know you changed your name, but there's no fooling me.

Preparing for the Oscars 2013

Oscar night is tonight. This year I won't be blogging my way through the night, which is a relief for anyone who attempted to read my running commentary for last year's gala. I will, however, as tradition goes, eat until I burst, and enjoy the heck out of myself, even though they will, as tradition goes, be rewarding all the wrong films and people.

I am unusually undetermined this year. I don't have a clear favorite, or even definite instinctive preferences. Only that I don't wish Argo to win. I'm not really on track about which film is expected to win, but I think Argo has won many other awards, right? I hope Argo won't win. That would be boring. Kind of like the movie. Okay, boring is not the right word. Underwhelming is.

Here are some categories that I have opinions about. They are very sophisticated and reasonable opinions about who I have determined should win. As you will see, I have really put much thought and consideration on this.

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Visual effects: The Avengers. And the Oscar goes to Captain America! What's the category? Who cares!

Make-up: The Hobbit. The little brother of Lord of the Rings deserves at least one Oscar, right?

Costume design: Anna Karenina. Mm-hm. Excellent costume designing here, yes. I'm not talking about Anna's dresses. I'm talking about uniforms that go great with the hottest mustache in history.

Cinematography: Life of Pi. I'm thinking about that underwater shot where Pi sees the sinking ship. That was a cool shot. Oscar-worthy, perhaps.

Animated film: Brave. I haven't seen any of the other animations, but I know for sure none of them features as much amazing hair as Brave.

Adapted screenplay: Life of Pi. Just a hunch.

Original screenplay: Django Unchained. Tarantino screenplays are hard to beat in originality!

Directing: Ang Lee. The Academy needs to make amends for robbing Brokeback Mountain that damn Best Picture Oscar. They need to make amends until the world ends. And then some.

Supporting actress: Anne Hathaway. For looking so damn miserable. And losing all that weight for a film that featured her only for what seemed like fifteen minutes.

Supporting actor: Christoph Waltz. He should get another Oscar for Hans Landa. That role was a bingo.

Actress: Jennifer Lawrence / Jessica Chastain / Naomi Watts. I love J-Law. Loooove her. But Jessica Chastain is so cool, too. And damn me, if she wears a dress as gorgeous as the one last year... I'm sold! But Naomi Watts is the only nominee in all the categories representing The Impossible. That film was crazy, I'd give it the Best Picture Oscar just for making me cry so much. So much. So insanely much. But Jennifer it is. Because she's my hero and my girl crush and she's such a dork.

Actor: Um. I really don't know. I mean, isn't it sort of given that Abraham "DDL" Lincoln triumphs? But I don't know. That would be boring.

Finally, an in-depth analysis on every Best picture contender:

Amour. Haven't seen it. It's French. So maybe I wouldn't like it. I'm intimidated by French films. Expect for silent black-and-white ones, featuring a dog.

Argo. I just don't want this one to win. It was so underwhelming. Bad, bad Middle-East. American heroes, blah. Okay, let's pretend my biggest hero of 2012 was not called Captain America.

Beasts of the Southern Wild. Haven't seen it, yet.

Django Unchained. Wouldn't mind if it won, not at all. It's quite a movie. It would actually be pretty awesome if it won. I promise I would cheer. But that's not going to happen, right? It would be too good if it did.

Les Misérables. I just went to see this one, in the afternoon before the Oscars, so I can't really say anything about it, because I'm too busy humming Do You Hear the People Sing in my head.

Life of Pi. Strange. I feel like I might be rooting for this one. That one little twist at the end of the film has definitely stuck with me.

Lincoln. Missed it in theaters. Points for American history. Points for the emancipation of slaves. But I can't imagine connecting with a film like this very much, if at all. Let's just say that I'm prejudiced, and won't be voting for America's favorite president.

Silver Linings Playbook. I've been having a hard time with this film. I wanted to love it. I didn't. I just liked it. But then again, I was really tired when I saw it. And even if I didn't love the film, I do love Jennifer Lawrence. So I will rooting for SLP as well. Not quite as much as I will be rooting for Life of Pi, Django Unchained and perhaps Les Misérables, but anyway. It's a romcom, in its core. Romcoms don't win Oscars. I'd love if for once they would.

Zero Dark Thirty. This was a really cool and interesting film, and Jessica Chastain's girl power was amazing. I would totally approve if it won. With all the controversy, though, I doubt it ever could.

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So. I am wonderfully non-opinionated about everything. All I know is that I don't want Argo to win. Which means it probably will. Well. I got what I wanted last year, with The Artist, so maybe this year it's time for another King's Speech scale travesty. This Social Network fanatic will never forgive you, Tom Hooper! Now, if you'll excuse, I'll go listen to On My Own and pretend you didn't have anything to do with all the goosebumps I experienced at the cinema today.

Too early to get hyped for Catching Fire

Too late to get nothing but hyped.