Case 39 (2009) - ...right, that's why I don't like horror

directed by Christian Alvart / starring Renée Zellweger, Jodelle Ferland, Bradley Cooper

Okay, so I decided I'd push some boundaries today. I wouldn't see a drama or a comedy or even a comedic drama, I'd see something completely out of my comfort zone instead. So, horror it was! Though Case 39 is quite thriller-y, it was still scary. And it was a great reminder why I don't watch movies that are scary.

My experiences of horror are pretty much confined to "bad scary movies" you watch with a group of friends. You know, when someone says, "hey, let's go rent a bad scary movie!", they really mean bad. That's how I like them a - nice simple plot, amusingly lousy CGI, and a couple of good scares, but not so much that you can't laugh at it the minute it ends and say "man, that was one crappy scary movie". In my wilder days I even saw Ring 2 and Grudge in cinema, but honestly, today I'd say no to such opportunity. Yeah, please call me a sissy!

I'm not talking about scary movies because Case 39 was a traumatic experience or something - it wasn't, and I'll probably sleep quite well tonight. I'm just talking about them because I've never had the chance before, obviously, as I rarely watch any, and when I do, they are even more rarely worth writing about. But as I'm currently stepping out of that safe, comfortable box of mine, here's a post about a scary movie!

Case 39 is about a social worker, Emily, who saves a girl from an abusive family and becomes her guardian. Emily clearly hasn't seen enough movies to know that the innocent, sweet, silent ones are always the worst. And what do you know, it turns out she got a bit more than she bargained for with the cute little Lillith.

I don't really know if I like Renée Zellweger. She's awesome in Chicago, but on the other hand, I can't stand Bridget Jones. Bradley Cooper is quite hot. I never really understood what everyone was fussing about, but I'm beginning to. Jodella Ferland was very good! Creepy. I think it's always amazing when a child actor manages to be that creepy.

There was obviously a lot of similarities to The Orphan. The scenario was exactly the same: a negleted girl arriving to a new family. The Orphan did it better, I think. I actually liked the movie a lot, a lot more than I usually do when it comes to films of this genre. Anyway, there are a massive amount of scary movies with children as the source of horror, and I've got to admit, they are always quite effective. There's just something about those seemingly innocent little people seeing and hearing and talking weirds thing and turning into killers and stuff. Always so cheery.

Case 39 was an okay film, I guess. I bit ridiculous, but yeah, I had to hide behind my fingers at times and cover my ears (for some reason, the voices are always the most scary thing for me) and I did jump pretty badly a couple of times. But in the end, it didn't give me much more than a couple of jumpy hours - and a confirmation that horror just isn't my thing.

(And yet, the new adventurous me would like to know if there's a horror film YOU think I really should see! I'm open to suggestions, even if there's a risk I might pee in my pants...)

"Everybody has fears... now, what scares you?"

"Me."

Valentine's Day (2010) - a lot like love, actually

directed by Garry Marshall / starring Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine, Jamie Foxx, Bradley Cooper, Julia Roberts, etc

Once again the power of low expectations has been proven great. Somehow I ended up enjoying the poor man's Love Actually.

Valentine's Day takes place in Los Angeles, descriping the lives of a bunch of people during one day. The day is, surprisingly, Valentine's day. People all over the city struggle to meet the expectations of the holiday. Love is in the air and no one can escape it.

 Everyone from Queen Latifah and Jessica Alba to Taylor Lautner and Doctors McDreamy & McSteamy is in this film. It's both funny and a bit pathetic how shamelessly Valentine's Day relies on its all-star cast. And people take their bait, of course. Guilty as charged, I only wached this because of all those famous faces. In addition to feeding on people's irrational fascination towards celebrities, Valentine's Day is just as shamelessly trying to do to Valentine's day what Love Actually did to Christmas. It has too many characters and too many little storylines, thus the characters lack depth, and the storylines don't have time to evolve into something original and truly touching. Sure, many of them are kind of connected to each other, but mostly just in boring ways. This won't become an annual tradition, like Love Actually is, for me.

And yet, as I mentioned, I actually enjoyed the movie. It was a fitting choice for my s l o o o o o w Sunday morning (although it wasn't techinically morning, I just woke up a bit, um, late. That Buzz Lightyear straw (and whatever I was drinking through it) sure took me a bit beyond infinity...). It didn't take much brain to follow the story, which was fine, and I even kind of liked some of the shallow, one-dimensional characters and their storylines, like Anne Hathaway's adult phone entertainer (cool euphemism) and Topher Grace and their budding relationship, Shirley MacLaine's marriage crisis, the cute little boy and his bouquet mission, and  Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts in an airplane. (According to IMDb, Julia Roberts was paid 12 000 dollars for every 251 word she spoke in the film. Rocks to be a pretty woman.) Yeah, and Queen Latifah just is the queen, the end.

On the other hand, I could've happily left out some of the "love" stories, to make room for the better ones. The Taylor/Taylor horridness was almost painful to watch at times. Lautner was stiff and awkward and Swift plain annoying. (Though the only line in the movie that made me laugh out loud was in their story. See the quote at the end of the post.) Also the other high school romance story was quite boring, the whole oh-I-want-the-first-time-to-be-oh-so-special scenario is just kind of ancient history as a storyline. I didn't really feel the love in the Jessica Biel/Jamie Foxx thing, though there's nothing like a good old I Will Survive singalong. Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner were supposed to be the central characters in the mess of love stories, but I didn't feel for them much.

So. Valentine's Day was a lot like Love Actually, but still clearly a poor man's version. And yet, some parts felt, for me, a lot like love, actually, and I have to admid I even shed one tiny teeny weeny tear at the end of the Julia Roberts story. (That was the only ending I didn't see coming. That, and the Bradley Cooper one. That was aww.) Also, it made me feel a bit love sick. Damn, they got me, those sneaky bastards! I feel a romcom phase coming on... Sigh.

"I don't feel comfortable taking my shirt off in public."