Orange is the New Black is my new bitch

I needed an excuse to order Netflix again, and ta-dah, there was Orange Is the New Black. They were talking about it on the radio, and 'female prison' was pretty much all I needed to hear to know I'd love this show. I watched all thirteen episodes within days and I can't wait to get more next year. Sorry for the attempted prison slang in the title, by the way, I tried my best.

Piper Chapman is leading a cozy life in New York, with her adorable soon-to-be-husband, Larry, whom everyone will associate with American Pie, but that's okay with me, because I think I've never seen a full movie in that franchise. A relationship she had with a drug dealer a decade back sends her to prison. This educated, privileged woman being in prison is weird, creepy, and kind of funny. This show is no Prison Break, where the emphasis was on the action and building up the next cliffhanger. (They're not trying to break out, which means these gals have definitely seen the later seasons of Prison Break, and they know that no good comes out of leaving that fascinating, claustrophobic milieu behind. Not that I'm bitter. But I am. Still.)

Orange concentrates on the characters, their backstories (with very Lost-esque flashbacks that I very much enjoyed) and the dynamics. The tone is relatively light, and there are a lot of comedic elements, despite the grim premise of the show. So there's loads of relationship drama, but not the lame kind. And it's not all lesbian jealousy and verbal, interracial catfights. At times, it does get almost Prison Break suspenseful, and pretty damn dark. And ah, the characters.

Typically for me, I'm not overly fond of the main character trio (except for Larry, perhaps, because he's such a darling), but I adore the variety of supporting characters. There haven't been this many fantastic female characters in the same show since EVER! From intimidating Russian ladies and meth-head Jesus freaks to hot lesbian junkies and transgendered hairdressers, this show has it all, and they all come with enormous amounts of character and attitude, and of course loads of F-bombs. It's pretty fantastic. The men of the show are mostly just evil, or stupid, or both. (Except for Larry, darling Larry. And you know I can't resist a prison guard/inmate romance. Mmmh, forbidden love, bring it!) Perhaps the show does not really do justice to the male gender, but I figure they can take it, for once in their lives. This is the women's time to shine, and show their diversity, and break 96% of all the dumb female stereotypes we've gotten used to.

Hurray for female prisons! I can't wait for next year. Then I get to do more time. As they say in prison. I think. Here's a trailer.

Spring Breakers (2012) / a chance to see something different

"I'm tired of seeing the same thing. This is our chance to see something different."

I'd been to movies fifteen times this year. After seeing The Great Gatsby last week I counted my 2013 cinema visits so far. So, fifteen. Then I counted the times that had actually managed to blow my mind a little, or shake my core, or whatever. One. That was the first movie I saw in cinema this year, The Impossible, and the core-shaking related to that experience had to do with the unnatural amount of crying, obviously. But one core-shaker in fifteen movies; I don't really like those numbers. Sure, there had been some minor shakes. Sure, I wasn't always looking for an experience that would blow up my brain. Sure, sometimes I just wanted to be entertained.

But come on. One in fifteen. I was getting really tired of seeing okay movies. Fine movies. Pretty good movies. Movies that weren't bad but they just lacked that something. I saw the Spring Breakers trailer some time ago and was a bit confused by Disney stars in bikinis and all that booty-shaking and James Franco looking extremely shady. Then I saw some reviews. So I thought I'd go see it. Might as well make it one in sixteen, right? Well, turns out Spring Breakers was just the core-shaker that I was longing for. I honestly can't tell you how happy I felt half-way through the film, as I felt my mind sneakily blowing somewhere in the back of my head. I wasn't sure what I was seeing. I had never seen anything quite like it before. It was something different, and I liked it.

Spring Breakers features four college girls, stuck in a small town with the same old faces, same old lecture halls, and the same old lectures about racial segregation, which I thought sounded so interesting I would've loved to keep listening. Hah. Nerd, I know... Everyone is heading down to Florida for spring break, for some epic partying, drinking and promiscuous activity, but the girls are out of money. They decide they need to go to Florida, whatever it takes. They need to get out and experience something different.

At some point during the film something quite random and very nerdy popped into my head. The girls' behavior reminded me very much of the Salem witch trials. Being somewhat of a semi-expert (ahem) on what went on in 1692 in the small Salem Village in New England, I thought about the girls in Salem who were bored and frustrated by the lack of meaningful activities and the few opportunities the Puritan society had to offer for them, and thus in accusing people of witchcraft they found a way to acquire power, get attention and feel worth-while. Not that different from the bored college girls who went to look for their end of the rainbow from the mixed madness of booze, drugs, sex, money and guns. Isn't that what power is? What the ultimate meaning of everything is?

The silent but powerful critique towards modern society is what made the film blow my mind away, way away. I don't really know how to talk about it. The girls set off to look for meaning, thinking they know where to find it, but returning empty-handed. Empty-headed. Empty. Their lives just as empty as before, if not emptier. The world is thoroughly messing us up, and we know it, but this won't stop it. In Spring Breakers, the endless and repetitive shots of naked or half-naked bodies, in close-up and slow-motion, should disturb you or at least affect you in some way. But you see the booties shaking right in front of your face, again and again, and you see the people screaming in the ecstasy of being wasted, young and good-looking, and you just see how embarrassing and almost grotesque the whole thing is. We see so much booty-shaking it becomes absolutely ridiculous. Isn't that the meaning of life, as it's constantly pushed down our throats? Bikinis and big booties, y'all, that's what life is about.

Many people have said the genre of the film is very difficult to determine, and I agree. But I don't ever agree when they call it a comedy. For me, it wasn't a comedy at all. I also watched a few interviews with the cast and my mind blew once again, this time because of the idiotic way the interviewers approached the film and thus the actors. I guess the beauty of the film is that there are a million different ways to see it and understand it. But I'd call the movie a tragedy rather than a comedy... A satire, yes, but not in a funny way. A cheery, sexy movie about how awesome spring breaks are? Not. At. All. That's what you'd expect, but not. At. All.

A few technical details that, in addition to the social commentary, reinforced the process of my mind being blown: James Franco and how he'd somehow managed to transform himself into insane, disgusting, yet somehow appealing maniac, who lives and breaths his twisted idea of the American dream ("Look at my shit!"). The visual look of the film combined to the hectic style of editing, making me feel almost hypnotized. Then the Everytime scene, and thinking about all the things that Britney Spears represents... It seemed both fitting and twisted in this context. There's something else too, but it's been a few days since the core-shaking now that I'm finishing up this post, and I've forgotten the feeling I had right after.

After the film I saw a commercial on TV, attempting to make men buy suits by portraying a woman seductively lifting the hem of her tiny skirt. I saw Selena Gomez parading around in a music video where every moment, every shot, every body movement and look was over-sexualized, and I thought, "Oh, girl, didn't you learn anything from your movie?". Surely everyone realizes how ridiculous they look? Everything seemed absurd, like everything was a parody of itself. I guess that's what happens when something blows your mind.

JK Rowling: Paikka vapaana

Kesti kauan ennen kuin sain avattua JK Rowlingin uuden kirjan. Melkein seitsemän kuukautta. Sain suomennoksen joululahjaksi, mutta lykkäsin lukemisen aloittamista pohtimalla, että voinkohan minä nyt oikeasti lukea tämän kirjan suomeksi. Minulle tuli joku typerä ajatus, että jos luen kirjan suomeksi, en ole oikeasti lukenut sitä, en niin kuin Rowling sen tarkoitti luettavaksi. Kuinka voisin vertailla kirjoitustyyliä ja sanavalintoja kirjailijan aikaisempiin teoksiin kun lukisin oikeastaan vain suomentajan tekstiä? Nuo aikaisemmat teoksethan ovat syy siihen, miksi minäkin haluan lukea The Casual Vacancyn. Samalla aikaisempi tuotanto on myös se asia, joka teki lukemisen aloittamisesta hieman nihkeää. Miten tämän kirjan voisi ikinä lukea olematta vähintään hippusen pettynyt? Miten se voisi ikinä vastata odotuksiin? Miten sitä voisi olla vertaamatta siihen maagiseen seitsemän kirjan sarjaan, jonka voittanutta maailmasta tuskin ikinä tulee löytämään?

Lopulta järjistyin sen verran, että karistin epäilykseni sekä kirjaa että suomen kieltä kohtaan ja avasin hyllyssä säälittävän kauan odotelleen painokseni. Yhteys Harry Potteriin oli hyvä sysätä mielestä, ja näiden kahden totaalisen erilaisen maailman oli helppo unohtaa olevan peräisin samasta mielikuvituksesta. Suomeksi lukemiseen tottui tietenkin nopeasti, ja vain ajoittain, esimerkiksi slangia ja kiroilua ja muuta kulttuurisidonnaista dialogia lukiessani, toivoin rinnalle alkuperäiskäännöstä. Jossain vaiheessa toki minun on pakko lukea myös Rowlingin ihkaoma teksti, mutta Ilkka Rekiaron suomennos on oikein hyvä. Eikä tarina miksikään muutu vaikka kieli muuttuukin. Tässäpä siis ajatuksiani JK Rowlingin Paikka vapaana -kirjasta, ihan omalla kotimaisellani tällä kertaa. Tuntuu vähän oudolta, mutta niin tuntui sekin kun aloitin kirjoittamaan tätä postausta englanniksi. Luin kirjan suomeksi, joten ajatuksetkin muodostuivat suomeksi. Anteeksi pilkkuvirheistä ja typeristä lauserakenteista. Useamman kerran olen joutunut käyttämään sanakirjaa: 'Mikäs se narrow-minded onkaan suomeksi...?'. Ehkä tämä on kovinkin tarpeellista harjoitusta kanditutkielman kypsyysnäytettä varten...

*

Englantilaisesta Pagfordin pikkukaupungista löytyy pelkästään surkeita ihmiskohtaloita. Ihmiset ovat pikkumaisia, masentuneita, harhaluuloisia, katkeria, itsekkäitä, kyynisiä, pinnallisia, säälittäviä, vahingoniloisia, välinpitämättömiä, teeskenteleviä tai yksinkertaisesti inhottavia. Rowling kuvaa laajan hahmokavalkadinsa ajatuksia brutaalin rehellisesti, kaunistelematta, niitä kaikkein kuvottavimpiakaan yksityiskohtia salaamatta. Padfordissa ei ole hyviä, jaloja, tai vilpittömän onnellisia ihmisiä. Hahmoihin tutustuessa haluat kiintyä herttaisen oloiseen rouvaan tai harmittomaan aviomieheen, mutta oletukset herttaisuudesta ja harmittomuudesta murskataan muutaman lauseen kuluttua. Vanhukset ovat ahdasmielisiä ja itsekeskeisiä, aviomiehet ovat kamalia vaimoilleen, jotka vastineeksi ovat kamalia aviomiehilleen, ja teinit ovat ahdistuneita, ilkeitä ja epäsympaattisia. Mitä näistä hahmoista pitäisi ajatella? Onko minun tarkoitus kiintyä näihin säälittäviin ihmisiin? Miten muka pystyn välittämään heidän kohtaloistaan?

Rowling kertoo miten. Tai ei kerro, mutta antaa vain yhden vaihtoehdon: Jatka lukemista. Olin päässyt kirjassa melkein puoleen väliin kun ajattelin, 'ei tässä oikeastaan mitään ole tapahtunut, mutta hyvä kirja tämä silti on'. Kirja tempaisee mukaansa, joskaan ei samalla, riemastuttavalla tavalla kuin vaikka Potterit. Lukemista on kuitenkin pakko jatkaa, ja viimeiset luvut tuleekin ahmittua melkein kuin Deathly Hallowsin loppu konsanaan: kirjan alas laskeminen ei ollut vaihtoehto. Hahmot tulevat pikku hiljaa tutuiksi (niiden listaaminen paperille oli hyvä idea: keskeisiä hahmoja on nimittäin enemmän kuin sormillaan pystyy laskemaan), ja kyllä vain, niistä oppii välittämään, kuin vaivihkaa. Ilkeydelle löytyy syy, ja se alkaa jopa vaikuttaa sankarilliselta. Pikkumaisuuden voi antaa anteeksi kun saa kurkata hahmon menneisyyteen. Ymmärrät miksi vaimo on niin välinpitämätön miestänsä kohtaan. Saat katsoa tuskallisen läheltä mitä huumekierre saa aikaan koko perheessä. Myötätunto ja kiintymys nostavat päätään, ja lopuksi tunnet ripauksen sympatiaa jopa sitä kaikista vastemielisintä hahmoakin kohtaan. Uskomatonta, mutta totta.

Kirjan hahmovalikoiman laajuudesta sen verran, että se oli minusta ihan mahtavaa. Kaikkien hahmojen tarinat nivoutuvat yhteen tavalla tai toisella, ja oli vaan todella kiehtovaa lukea samoista tapahtumista ja ihmisistä useammasta näkökulmasta. Jotkut hahmot tietysti kiehtovat enemmän kuin toiset. Teinien edesottamuksista luin kiinnostuneempana kuin paikallispolitiikaa päivittelevien keski-ikäisten, mutta se varmaan johtuu vain siitä, että itse olen tähän mennessä kokenut teini-iän, mutten keski-ikää. Ne harvat sympatiaani koko ajan nauttineet hahmot olivat nimenomaan nuorta polvea. Heidän moraalittomat tekonsa ja karut ajatuksensa antaa helpommin anteeksi kuin aikuisten, koska syyn kaikkeen löytää lähempää, vanhemmista ja ympäristöstä, ja inhottavuuden keskeltä huomaa silti vielä pilaantumatonta lapsen viattomuutta ja toiveikkuutta.

Tapahtumat saavat siis alkunsa Barry Fairbrother -nimisen miehen äkillisestä ja koruttomasta kuolemasta, jonka myötä paikallisvaltuustoon vapautuu kallisarvoinen ja haviteltu paikka. Kunnallisvaalien ympärille rakentuvan tarinan ei odottaisi olevan niin mukaansatempaava, kiehtova ja syväluotaava kuin Paikka vapaana lopulta on. Ihmiskohtalot kietoutuvat yhteen, syyt ja seuraukset johtavat uusiin, ja pienet asiat sysäävät liikkeelle suuria, elämää mullistavia tapahtumia. Kaikki tarinat saavat omanlaisensa päätöksen; ei ehkä onnellisen, mutta lukijan tyydyttävän. Elämä jatkuu, ja voit vain toivoa, että Pagfordin asukkaat ovat Barry Fairbrotherin kuoleman käynnistämien tapahtumien seurauksena ottaneet edes hieman opikseen karun elämän opetuksista.

Paikka vapaana oli minusta todella masentava. Haluan aina uskoa ihmisistä hyvää, ja tämä kirja teki siitä todella vaikeaa. Koska eivät pelkästään Pagfordin asukkaat ole kamalia, vaan kaikki ihmiset. Hahmojen ajatusten kuvaukset ovat piinallisen realistisia, ja niistä tunnistaa ihmisluonnon perusominaisuuksia. Katsot ympärillesi ja näet, että maailma on oikeasti ihan yhtä typerä kuin fiktiivinen Pagford. Ahdistavinta on kuitenkin nähdä palanen itseään siellä täällä tuossa kamaluuksien ja yksityisten, häpeällisten ajatusten vyyhdissä. Halusin tehdä eron itseni ja lähiympäristöni, ja kirjan säälimättömän ihmiskuvauksen välillä, mutta pakkohan se oli myöntää, että kaikissa meissä on pikkumaisuutta, ilkeyttä, itsekkyyttä ja inhottavuutta. Jollain lailla tämän myöntäminen tuntuu myös vapauttavalta.

Kirjan luettuani en kuitenkaan tuntenut oloani yhtään niin masentuneeksi kuin odottaa saattoi. Jouduin räpyttelemään kyyneleitä ja sydäntä väänsi se, kuinka kamala paikka maailma on, mutta masentuneisuutta en tuntenut. En kyllä oikeastaan tiedä mitä tunsin, mutta jotain aika suurta se oli. Sitten tietysti tunsin velvollisuutta rakentaa jonkinlainen alttari Joanne Rowlingille. Jestas, mikä tarinankertoja.

Warm Bodies (2013) / love cures all

"Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy."

Zombie is the new vampire. In the race for the title of the hottest undead, Alexander Skarsgård just got some competition. I wonder which freak of nature pop culture will choose to be the next wet dream for female masses around the world. The could do Frankenstein monsters. Or maybe mummies should make a comeback, but this time, you know, hot. Just think how the bloody bandages would unravel to reveal the toned body of some Hollywood hunk. Mm hm. I'm feeling it. The mummy returns again. Perhaps wearing a cute, red hoodie.

Let me just say, first, that I really support the idea of banning everyone under-aged from cinemas. I know I was an annoying giggling teenager once, too, but I was never that bad. I totally would've shut up if some scary-looking older female person had turned around and stared at me, pissed off. But no! I want to say, 'Kids these days!', but I don't want to sound that old. Anyway, I really wanted to turn into a zombie and eat the brains of those loud, annoying, inconsiderate, bad-behaving teenage boys. Then I would've learned what the heck is wrong with them, not being able to just SHUT UP. Probably I would've found out something shocking, like, 'I'm a teenage boy, loud and inconsiderate is what I do'. Well. I hope my angry glances taught them a lesson. My glances can be very educative, you know.

Back to the point. I was always eager to see Warm Bodies, ever since I saw the trailer (which, by the way, reveals too much; Trailers these days! Ugh!). I know my taste in movies quite well, so I know I wouldn't be able resist a romantic horror comedy. With a contributor like Nicholas Hoult involved. And zombies. Zombies are fun. There is a lot of comedy in the way they just say "uuuuuuurgh" and stare. I really want to see the outtakes of the scene where R and his friend have that 'conversation'. And the voice-over made me want to read the book.

Nicholas Hoult does have a special place in my heart, and the girly, giggly fangirl in me finds him very enjoyable to look at. This is a strange thing to admit, but I found him much more good-looking as a half-zombie-half-human than full-human. Full-human was too pretty, too Tony from Skins. Speaking of too pretty, I kept thinking how wrong the people who compare this movie to Twilight are. If this was like Twilight, the girl would've been like, "Ooooh, I want to be dead like you! Bite me! BITE ME!". I actually liked the girl character, and Analeigh from America's Next Top Model was a lot of fun. I remember watching her in the show, and rooting for her, and I remember Tyra saying that she should pursue acting.

Warm Bodies was a very sweet, entertaining movie, just what I wanted and expected. The plot was very simple and straight-forward, and it didn't try to be more epic or ground-shattering than it was. I found it a surprisingly sincere and down-to-earth kind of movie. Just enough romance, just enough horror, just enough comedy. Although undeniably predictable, it didn't feel cliched or cheesy. It made me feel good. It's a movie you would hug if you could. Love cures all - even a zombie apocalypse.

Before Before Midnight

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this! The sucky thing is I don't know when my coordinates will match those where the film is playing. I know it's opening in the US on May 24. Guess where I will be on APRIL 24, but NOT on May 24. Damnit. How about an early premiere, just for me, a month in advance? Thanks. God know if it'll ever come to Finland. Uuugh, pain!

I don't appreciate a spoilery trailer, but I still like this one very much.

*

"If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something."

"Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"Actually, I think I'd probably have gotten off the train in Salzburg with someone else."

"I'm gonna take you picture. So I never forget you or all this."

"I's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years."

"You want to know why I wrote that stupid book? So that you might come to a reading in Paris and I could walk up to you and ask, 'Where the fuck were you?'"

"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

"I want to see if you stay together or if you dissolve into molecules."

*

P.S. Talking about sequels I'm looking forward to: Last night I got an exclusive sneak peak to the Avengers sequel. I really had no idea what was going on, and Tony Stark was really lame, he was just sitting by a wall and moping. The whole thing quickly turned into some haunted mansion mystery tale, and then I went to see a play at my old primary school. Also, Captain America was seriously flirting with me, so I hope they won't cut that from the theatrical release.

After Ever After

This is so genius! Also a little bit depressing. Mostly genius, though!

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) / afternoon in the land of Oz

"How hard can it be to kill a Wicked Witch?"

I was one of the seven people at the 3:45 pm showing of Oz the Great and Powerful last Friday. I hoped I'd be all by myself; in the last couple of months I have, a couple of times, come very close to attending a private screening, but unfortunately that luxury is still waiting to happen. I bet the cinema staff knows me as the poor lonely girl who goes to unpopular matinees all by herself. Haha.

I had no great (or powerful) expectations towards the movie, but I like the stories about Oz and I like Kansas and there's Mila Kunis, so I decided I'd go see it. And, yes, all the Wizard of Oz references were awesome, I loved how much good old Kansas sucked, and Mila Kunis and her character were pretty much the best thing about the whole thing. On the other hand, it was pretty Disney (in both good and bad ways, mostly bad), and it relied far too much on CGI and bright colors and fancy, made-up creatures. And even though I love all that, from bright colors to Disney (even bad Disney), you need more than that for a movie to be great. They won't be still watching and making origin story prequels to this one in seventy years...

The thing about prequels is that it's pretty much impossible to live up to the original. There is no true suspense because we know how things will turn out in the end, more or less. The climax is not truly satisfying, because it's not a happy end, it's a happy middle, and we know that in a few decades all hell will break loose again, and that's when the real hero arrives and saves the day for real. This Oscar person has got nothing on Dorothy: she killed two Wicked Witches, while he kind of just created one. Granted, he does own some nice machines that make pretty illusions.

The acting was somehow really awkward, or at least a bit strange, but then again, maybe it was supposed to be. I definitely got a very strong Wizard of Oz vibe every now and then, so maybe the acting wasn't bad, maybe it was just somewhat weird to see all these famous, modern (and great!) actors like James Franco and Michelle Williams go all 1930s. I don't know.

What I did love about the movie was the feeling of good old nostalgia. It's not that I am completely entitled to feel huge amounts of nostalgia about a film I have seen only twice in my life, both times within a few years, but you know me. I have nostalgia for dinner. The transition from black and white to rich, bright colors was expected, but still very cool. I was hoping they had included a change from 2D to 3D to the transition as well, because that would've added greatly to the effect, but I guess the Kansas part was too lengthy, and if it had been all 2D, they couldn't have charged the whole 3D extra for the tickets. Hah.

I also liked that the China girl was from Chinatown. I liked the Munchkin song. I liked the Yellow Brick Road and the poppy field and the lion, and the flying monkeys that were so scary I felt sorry the kids, and myself. I liked that a villain got a backstory, proving that everything is evil for a reason. I love when they do that. I liked the fireworks and Oz's final trick gave me goosebumps. I wanted to see some ruby slippers, and was a bit disappointed when I didn't.

Oz the Great and Powerful is essentially a Disney adventure, and we have to take all the good and bad things that come with that. At least the lion is far less annoying in this one, compared to the original.

"Kansas is full of good men. I don't want to be a good man. I want to be a great one."

(Nah. You just go stand behind your curtain, while we go back to 1939 to see someone save Oz for real.)